Going The Distance
by RubinAmigo
Summary: What if in 'The Rapture' Castiel had been taken to Heaven WITH his vessel and hadn't returned so soon? Now he has a choice to make, until then he can only watch from above. Will he do what he needs to in order to stop Lilith? AR, lots of angst, Destiel
1. Chapter 1

**What if in 'The Rapture' Castiel had been taken to Heaven WITH his vessel and hadn't returned so soon? **

**His superiors brought Castiel back to Heaven to make him follow their orders again and abandon his own free will. His only chances to leave are to agree to their terms or fall. What will his decision be and will he make it in time to help the Winchesters who battle with angels and demons to prevent Lucifer from being freed?**

**AR. Starts with the beginning of 'The Rapture' but changes events from thereon out. Minor spoilers for characters and some things from later episodes.**

**Warnings: Destiel. Rated M for later chapters, language, torture, sex  
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><p>At least he is allowed to watch. At first he thought this to be an act of kindness but now he knows that this is actually an extra cruel punishment. He can see everything that happens to the Winchesters but he is not allowed to go to them and help. That is the hardest part really and he wishes he had the strength to just turn his back but he doesn't.<p>

That is the reason that brought him here in the first place, all but imprisoned up in Heaven. His weakness, his emotions. Emotions are doorways to doubt, he has been told more than once and it has proven to be right. But now that he has started to feel and think for himself and to doubt his superiors' orders he can't just stop that anymore even though he very much wishes he could.

His superiors must have been watching his actions on Earth much more closely than he had anticipated. They had also listened in on him and Dean when he visited the hunter in his dream where he was sitting on a pier at a peaceful lake, fishing. Castiel had been afraid that someone might eavesdrop. That was why he had asked Dean to meet him somewhere else and had given him the note with the address. But he hadn't been careful enough. Unfortunately his superiors had been there before the Winchesters, expecting him.

Now Castiel is in Heaven, still wearing his vessel, his powers diminished to barely angelic anymore so there is no reason to really imprison him. He doesn't have enough mojo left to leave Heaven and go back to Earth. Not unless he vows to only follow orders and accept that he doesn't serve Man, especially not Dean Winchester or he rips out his grace and falls entirely. At the moment he isn't ready to do either. He still hopes for the situation to resolve itself.

It is very painful though to watch Sam and Dean search the warehouse where they were supposed to meet him. The place is wrecked, Castiel put up quite the fight, but in the end he had been clearly outnumbered. But the traces of the fight are still very evident and the experienced hunters immediately recognize them for what they are. Watching them search the place with worry on their faces, especially on Dean's face, he wishes nothing more than to be able to tell them that he is fine, well, at least fine considering the circumstances, and that he is just back in Heaven and pretty much powerless.

"He's not here," Sam tells Dean after they have thoroughly searched the place at least twice.

"Yeah, I get that. Fuck," Dean answers, roughly kicking a small piece of wood out of his way in frustration. "What I don't get is why. He sounded like it was important to meet him. He would have shown up if he could. Something must have happened."

The genuine worry in Dean's voice touches Castiel somewhere in the core of his being and although he knows it is futile he tries to gather his remaining strength to get to him.

"Ah, don't overexert yourself, Cas. You won't even leave this very spot right here if I don't want you to," comes Zachariah's sneering voice from right behind him.

Castiel chooses to just ignore him, which might not be the smartest choice considering that Zachariah is his superior and directly responsible for his present predicament. But the trench coat clad angel cannot pry his eyes away from Dean. And it's not like his situation can get much worse anyway.

"You know that you can easily go back there as you obviously wish very much. You only have to remember the true purpose of our mission and what being an angel really means. Just swear to follow all orders without doubts or questions and your powers will be restored and you can put those _humans_ out of their misery of not finding you," he offers, pronouncing the word 'humans' with as much disdain as he can.

"I can't do that. I can't go back to how I was before," Castiel refuses the deal. And he truly believes that he can't. Once those doors have been opened they can't easily be closed again. Pretending would be the only other option but he has never been good at lying so that probably wouldn't work too well. Especially lying to Dean? No, the thought alone almost physically hurts him. He wouldn't be able to do what Zachariah expects him to and that would only result in him being forcefully dragged back to Heaven yet again. And going through that once is quite enough.

"Very well then. Your choice," Zachariah replies indifferently and vanishes, leaving Castiel alone in the small, cold, almost sterile room which he won't leave. He could if he wanted. He is not confined to it even though it would be easy for the other angels to do that to him. But he stays anyway because it's the only place from where he can follow the Winchesters with his powers so weakened.

Slowly it dawns on him how terrible this torture really is as he involuntarily keeps trying to somehow leave Heaven until he is so exhausted that he can hardly move and hurts all over. The pain is emotional as well as physical and there is nothing Castiel can do to ease it or prevent new pain. He can only endure it and everything that is yet to come. And it soon gets worse as he watches events down on Earth unfold.

"Who the hell are you?" Dean demands, gun ready, from the figure that suddenly appears out of nowhere in front of the brothers and Castiel groans softly as he recognizes her.

"Not Hell, Heaven. My name is Rachel," the blond woman calmly corrects him.

"So, you're an angel," Sam concludes and she nods.

"Then you can tell us what happened to Cas. We were supposed to meet him here." Dean sounds hopeful as he says this. But the angel just looks at him coldly and shakes her head.

"Castiel is currently unavailable. I'm his replacement," she states very matter-of-factly and in a voice utterly devoid of emotion. Just like an angel is supposed to sound, Castiel thinks bitterly as he helplessly watches her taking his place on Earth. The brothers don't take these news too well though and he is very pleased to see that.

"Look. No offense but we really don't need a replacement. We were getting along fine with Cas, so if you could just send him back, please?" Dean tells her and hits her with a hard stare.

Rachel is not impressed by this at all. "You have no choice," she informs them and then leaves without further explanations.

At least she kind of told the Winchesters that he is still alive, even if he can't get to them. And the loyalty that Dean has shown towards him makes him feel warm and happy despite his situation. Rachel won't have it easy with the two hunters and Castiel finds that he is actually smiling at this thought.

"You were way too soft on them, Castiel," Rachel says, appearing next to him. "You should have just followed your orders and made sure that their destiny will be fulfilled, not become their friend."

"Yes, Rachel, I know that. But I can't change it and I wouldn't change it, even if I could," he replies slightly annoyed. He knows that she is merely stating the facts and wants him to come to his senses so he can finish the job he started when he pulled the Righteous Man out of hell, but at the moment her presence feels like she is taunting him. It is not a pleasant feeling and he wishes all the other angels would just leave him alone.

But maybe this is all part of the plan, part of the torture they devised for him specifically, to make him realize that allowing oneself to feel can hurt, as well as be pleasant. Right now the hurt outweighs the pleasure by far and maybe the other angels hope that eventually he will have enough of that and decide to rather feel nothing at all to escape the pain. What they haven't considered though is his fondness of Dean Winchester and just how much he is willing to endure for his sake.

"I won't make that mistake," Rachel tells him, startling him out of his thoughts. And as he looks at her and her serene expression he is sure that her assessment is correct.

Rachel has nothing more to say and vanishes soon after and Castiel is once again alone. And since the other angels have forced out Jimmy, the rightful owner of this body he is wearing, he really is utterly alone. Even though Jimmy was mostly dormant in the back of his mind lately, his presence was always comforting but now that presence is gone and Castiel only hopes that Jimmy is in a better place now, his very own heaven.

Night has fallen on Earth by now and the Winchester brothers have found another dingy motel room and are fast asleep in their beds. Castiel spreads out his wings behind him and then draws them close around himself for comfort. Their dark color and soft glow presents a stark contrast to the white walls of the room. He watches the brothers sleep and for the first time since being dragged back up to Heaven and being robbed of most of his powers he feels calm.

For a few hours everything is fine but then Dean starts tossing and turning around in his sleep and the angel immediately knows that the hunter is having a nightmare about his time in Hell. Usually he would have quietly appeared next to Dean to take the nightmare away but he can't do that anymore. He might be an angel watching over Dean but he can do nothing more than watch and his earlier calmness is quickly replacement by the now familiar pain at seeing Dean worry or suffer.

But even though this is hard for him to bear, it is not a dangerous situation. Dean will survive the dream and he has his brother to help him when the memories get too bad. So there is no reason for the rebellious angel to break just yet and accept Zachariah's conditions.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you all for reading and reviewing. Here is chapter 2 with a nightmare from Hell.**

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><p>Dean wakes up from his nightmare covered in sweat and feeling slightly disoriented. He needs a moment to remember where he is, that he is no longer in Hell being tortured by Alastair and his demons or being the one delivering the torture. He looks around and sees Sam asleep in the second bed. Dean listens to his brother's steady breathing for a moment until he calms down again.<p>

This is not the first nightmare he's had since his return from the pit but it certainly was the worst. Everything seemed so real as if he were back there again. It wasn't one specific event that this dream reminded him of, more like the overall experience. And Dean doesn't really want to be reminded of that experience ever again. The pain and the blood and the terror and the screams, his own, as well as those from all the other tortured souls, and the overwhelming feeling of despair at the knowledge that this would never end. That this would go on for eternity. No, this is nothing he ever wants to feel again.

It is enough to give anyone nightmares for the rest of their lives, but so far his have been fairly easy to deal with. They have been similar to the one he's just had but more subdued somehow as if he has only been watching things like a movie but has not been the one who has actually lived through all that. He doesn't understand why this dream was different from the rest and for a moment he considers talking to Sam about that. Sam will certainly have an idea why this dream was different, so much more intense.

But if he does that, Sam will want to know more. He will want to know exactly what the dream was like, claiming it to be therapeutic to talk about it or some crap like that. And talking about it is something Dean really doesn't want to do because that conversation will then quickly lead to the things that Dean experienced in the pit and he doesn't want to tell Sam any more than he already has.

Sam doesn't need to know what it feels like to have your skin pulled off you, slowly, inch by inch and how much worse any torture is when your ability to scream is taken from you. Or what it's like to be carved and sliced into little pieces until there's nothing left, then to be put back together so things can start over again. Sam doesn't need to know what it feels like to do the same thing to another damned soul. And Dean doesn't want to admit to anyone that it felt good after thirty years of enduring that same torture. That part of his stay in Hell haunts him worse than anything else.

When he shivers from the cooling sweat on his skin he gets up to change his shirt. He briefly considers going back to bed but almost immediately realizes that he wouldn't be able to sleep anymore this night anyway and so he puts on his jeans instead and checks the time. It is only four o'clock in the morning and Sam will be out for the count for a few more hours at least.

The older Winchester sighs and then decides to go on a drive to clear his head from the remnants of the nightmare. Sitting in his Impala already helps with that. This car is the closest thing he has to a home and it grounds him. It holds so many memories of a different life, a life before Hell, that just this, the smell of the leather seats, the feel of the wheel under his calloused hands, the familiar sound of the engine as it roars to life, soothes him. That is the reason why he is so fiercely protective of his baby.

He turns on the music and drives aimlessly into the night to the deafening sound of drums and guitars. For a while he keeps that up, just driving through the rural landscape without meeting another soul. Eventually he stops somewhere at the side of the road next to a random field. The location isn't important, he just needs to get out of the car for a moment, stretch his legs and breathe the clear night air.

He walks around for a few minutes before returning to the car and sitting down on the hood of the Impala. Leaning back a little he looks up into the starry sky. As he looks up, marveling at the beauty and perfection of the sight, he wonders where Cas is and whether he's watching him right now. His Mom used to tell him that angels were watching over him when she tucked him in as a little boy, he remembers.

Now that he has met his fair share of actual angels he doesn't care much for being watched over by them. Most are dicks with wings anyway and Dean doubts that they care enough for him personally to watch over him unless maybe to find new ways to fuck up his life some more. There is only one angel who is different and as Dean looks up into the sky he imagines that somewhere up above this blue-eyed, dark-haired, trench coat wearing angel is looking down to Earth and watching him.

He can't know whether this is the case or not. He has no idea where Cas is. He might be on a very important mission for Heaven and not even have time to think about Dean. But that doesn't change the fact that Dean is thinking about the angel right now. And that he thinks how nice it would be to have Cas here with him now, just to sit next to him on the hood of the Impala, just to keep him company.

"Cas," he says suddenly, his eyes still fixed on the sky above. He doesn't really know what he's doing. He's never been one for praying, hell, just a short while ago he hadn't even believed that God and his angels even existed. He takes a deep breath and tries to gather his thoughts.

"Castiel," he starts again. "Look man, I know you haven't always had it exactly easy with us. With me especially I guess. But this Rachel bitch? I don't like her and I don't think she likes us either. That's not gonna end well. So if you could come back next time instead of her…"

Dean lets the rest of sentence hang in the air; he's not sure how to finish it anyway. But he does feel bad for not finishing his prayer, if what he just said can be called a prayer, so he starts one last attempt to get his thoughts in order and tell Cas what he feels needs to be said.

"I know you're probably busy, but I guess I just need to talk to you, so if you could spare a minute now I really appreciate it. This talking to someone who's not here is just plain weird."

He looks around him after having said this. He fully expects Cas to show up right next to him intruding on his personal space as he so often does. He has explained the concept to the angel more than once but Cas just either keeps forgetting about it or he simply doesn't understand it.

But right now, with the images and feelings of the nightmare still so close to the surface, he would give anything for the angel to just be there, whether it is too close or somewhere in the distance. He looks around again and finds that he is still alone. And not only that, he also feels lonely. Cas is the only being he could talk to about his dream because Cas pulled him out of Hell.

He has been to the pit, knows what it's like down there and he knows what happened to Dean there and what Dean did. Because he put Dean back together, body and soul, and knows everything about him and he forgave him and accepts him as he is. Yes, with Cas he could talk and Cas would understand but he doesn't show up.

"Son of a bitch," he curses softly, the words barely a whisper. And he doesn't mean them, not really. He just needs to let out his disappointment and frustration at Cas' continued absence. But Rachel had said that Cas was unavailable so maybe his not showing up is not his own choice and Dean knows and hopes that this is the most likely explanation.

Nevertheless he stays right where he is, on the side of a lonely country road, and keeps on waiting, just in case. The night air is warm and balmy and his place on the hood of the car is reasonably comfortable and even though he feels lonely he knows he can't go back to motel room just yet. Not while Sam is asleep and Dean would have to be quiet. That would just make him want to crawl up the walls.

So he stays outside until the night begins to fade and he can see the soft red glow of the first sunrays creep over the horizon. Now it is finally time to return to the motel. Sam will wake up soon and the brothers have to face the new day together, have to try to prevent the breaking of more seals and look for Lilith.

After one last glance towards the sky he pushes himself up and off the hood of the Impala with a sigh and gets behind the wheel again. On the way to the motel he stops once more to get some breakfast for him and Sam and then returns to their shared room. When he enters, Sam hasn't gotten up yet, so Dean puts the food on the table for later and goes into the bathroom to take a shower and wash away all traces still left from the previous night.


	3. Chapter 3

**The angst-fest continues for a little bit longer. Call Me Johnny called me an angst god and I do have to live up to that name, don't I? ;D**

**This chapter has some Sam and Bobby though, to maybe lighten the mood for a little bit and now there is actually something happening to move the story along a bit. Happy (or angsty) reading.**

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><p>Castiel is exhausted. He doesn't need to sleep of course, he still has enough of his grace left to sustain him and his vessel and he doesn't dare close his eyes and miss a second of the events down on Earth. His exhaustion isn't of a physical nature anyway, it is emotional and no amount of sleep will be able to cure that.<p>

It has been hard watching Dean going through that nightmare, which Castiel knows was about his experiences in Hell. And it has been even harder seeing him driving around all by himself and praying to the one being Dean knows can help him, usually. A prayer like that from Dean Winchester is so very rare that it's almost a crime not to answer to it, but he couldn't and that has, and still does, hurt the most. Knowing his charge needs him but being unable to help him.

It gets easier once Sam wakes up and Dean has someone to talk to and a chance to forget his uneasy night. Since the brothers have no job to do at this particular location they decide to go and see Bobby. They only ever came to this godforsaken little town because Castiel had asked them to meet him there. Since he didn't show up and is obviously no longer their angel they have no reason to stay.

Watching the brothers drive across the country for hours to Sioux Falls in South Dakota is actually quite nice. They're being their usual selves, bickering like they often do, the impending rise of the Devil himself far away for the moment. Sam complains about Dean's choice of music, knowing it's not gonna lead anywhere, but trying anyway because he wants to read. Dean calls him a girl in return and turns up the volume as high as it will go.

And Castiel sits in his small and perfectly white room, a room so white that it would be hard to tell where the walls ended and connected with floor and ceiling, if he cared to look. But he doesn't care to look, he only has eyes for the Winchester brothers, for Dean if they get separated and he smiles and enjoys the bit of normalcy they experience for the moment. When Rachel appears next to him though, just as the brothers finally arrive at Bobby's, he knows that this moment is almost over.

She doesn't even say anything at first, just stands next to Castiel and watches him watching the boys. Sam and Dean enter the house and find Bobby in his study, brooding over stacks of old texts.

"Hey Bobby, found anything that will help us?" Sam asks the older hunter while he and Dean sit down at his desk facing him. He is just barely visible behind the piles of books and the paper strewn everywhere in seemingly no order at all. But Bobby knows exactly where everything is, which becomes apparent as he picks up certain books and papers and shoves them towards the brothers.

"Does it look like I found something, boy?" he growls in response. "Those demons are damn sneaky when it comes to breaking seals and there are just too damn many possibilities to predict what's next." He sighs and closes the book he's been reading in with a thud, putting it on top of a growing pile on the shelf behind him.

"You two can help me look, now that you're here. Unless you have you're feathered friend coming over anytime soon to drag your asses to where they're needed. That'd actually be useful for a change."

Cas chuckles softly at Bobby's words. He can't blame the man for his opinion of him and just when he is ready to change and actually be a real help to the trio he is stuck in Heaven. Rachel looks at him in disbelief, not understanding his reaction. She hasn't really dealt with the Winchesters and their associates yet, so she probably can't understand that these humans are very wary of angels and do not revere them. But she will learn that soon enough.

"Yeah, about that," Dean now addresses Bobby's question about Cas. "We kinda can't get in touch with him."

"Lost your V.I.P. status, did ya?" Bobby interrupts and Sam has to suppress a snort while Dean just stares at both of them slightly annoyed.

"Look, he asked us to meet him and when we got there the place was trashed and some bitch showed up telling us Cas is unavailable and she's his replacement," he explains.

"Alright, and what am I supposed to do about that?"

"Well, we were hoping that maybe you knew a ritual we could use to summon Cas," Sam jumps in to finally get to the point.

Cas feels a little bit of hope at this development. He had somehow missed that the brothers were planning this and he thinks that it might just work. Maybe this is a loophole that Zachariah forgot to close. He looks up at Rachel and can read on her face that she isn't sure whether this will work either, which makes him even more hopeful.

Down on Earth in his study Bobby is currently rummaging through some more books, different ones than he was reading before, and finally, triumphantly pulls one out of a dangerously high and wobbly stack.

"Good thing I've been stocking up on lore about angels," he huffs and quickly flips through the pages and then gets the ingredients, some herbs, holy water and candles. He lights the candles mixes the herbs with the holy water in an ancient goblet and adds a few drops of his own blood.

"Here goes nothing," he mutters before saying the incantation that is supposed to draw Castiel to them.

Cas sees the expectant looks on all their faces and he feels just as expectant as the humans he's watching. He's waiting for the tug, the force that will pull him away from this hopeless situation but nothing happens. Apparently Zachariah was more thorough in his preparations than he had thought. Rachel gives him a tight but relieved smile.

"I guess I should go now," she tells him and vanishes from his side only to appear a moment later in Bobby's study.

"Looks like your angel boyfriend got himself in trouble," Bobby accurately sums up the situation, well, except for the boyfriend part, but other than that Castiel has to admit that the older hunter is spot on.

"I told you. Castiel is unavailable," Rachel addresses the brothers, ignoring Bobby who is gathering the stuff that he used for the failed ritual. "Now come with me, there is work for you."

She doesn't give them a chance to respond or protest, just touches both their foreheads and zaps them away. Castiel watches her actions. First she takes them to Key West to prevent ten species from going extinct and thus breaking another seal. There is nothing the two hunters can do about that though and Castiel wonders what Rachel is thinking before remembering that it was never their goal to save the seals and prevent Lucifer from walking the Earth again.

Sam and Dean are just not supposed to know that yet and so the wild goose chase takes them to Alaska where a fishing crew is stricken blind and the brothers just barely get out of there with their eyesight still intact. Again, there was nothing they could have done to prevent this particular seal from breaking. When Rachel finally takes them to New York they are too late to save the only seal they might have actually had a chance in saving. But the teacher has already killed the sixty-six children behind locked doors when the hunters arrive.

Rachel quickly sends them back to Bobby's before returning to Castiel's side. "Well, no one can say I didn't try," she tells him before vanishing for good this time.

Castiel can't deny that logic although he knows that she failed on purpose. The Winchesters don't know that and that was all she wanted to accomplish with this little trip. Right now they are back at Bobby's, disappointed that they couldn't save one single lousy seal. Bobby quickly gets fed up with them and sends them away on a regular case, a simple salt and burn, because "People still need help you idjits," as he points out to them when they want to refuse.

Sam soon sees the logic in that and convinces Dean to go which he finally agrees to after making Bobby swear to tell them the second he finds anything no matter how insignificant. They drive off into the night towards the case, taking turns at the wheel because it's a long drive and Bobby is right, those people being haunted do need their help. Castiel is proud that his charge and his brother still do this even though almost all the seals have now been broken.

He watches as they quickly find the ghost responsible for the trouble and get rid of it. Sam gets thrown in the dirt in the process but other than being covered in grime he is fine and Castiel releases a breath he hadn't even known he was holding when Sam gets up again. The angel doesn't care about Sam that much. Sam, who consorts with demons. But Sam, who is also the most important thing in the world for his brother and so Castiel is relieved that Sam is unharmed because anything else would have hurt Dean and he doesn't want to see Dean get hurt.

But Dean does get hurt by Sam, only in a way that is completely unexpected. After the hunt the brothers check into a motel room and Sam immediately goes to take a shower to wash off the dirt from his little unintentionally close examination of the ground earlier. Castiel of course stays with Dean and watches him sit down on the edge of one of the beds and he can see the tension and excitement of the hunt slowly leave the hunter as his shoulders and his face relax.

After a few minutes Dean gets up again and empties his duffel bag obviously looking for something but not finding it. He's about to sit back down again in resignation when something across the room catches his eye. As he moves closer, Castiel can make out a glint of silver in the pocket of Sam's jacket, which is hanging over the back of a chair. This is what Dean seems to be looking for and he reaches for the jacket, pulling a small silver flask from the pocket.

With a content sigh the hunter sits back down on the bed and unscrews the cap to sniff the contents of the flask. Castiel is surprised when Dean suddenly jerks his head back, a look of disgust on his face. He must have expected something completely different inside the flask. The angel imagines that Dean was hoping for whiskey or another kind of liquor and he wonders what the flask might contain to elicit such a reaction in his charge.

His question is quickly answered as Dean tips the flask carefully, letting one drop of the dark, viscous fluid inside fall onto his finger. As he rubs the drop between his finger and his thumb it dissolves into a blood red smear. Dean must have noticed the distinctive metallic smell and Castiel can now understand Dean's disgust because he feels it himself. Why is Sam carrying around a flask of blood and whose blood is it? He has an idea though and that doesn't make him feel better at all.

Dean seems to have thoughts similar to his as he is impatiently pacing the length of the room, the offending flask in his hand, waiting for Sam to finish in the bathroom. When the door finally opens and Sam emerges in a cloud of steam Dean stops in front of him holding up the flask without saying a single word. Sam's face freezes in shock for a moment before he catches himself.

"I can explain…," he starts but Dean silences him with one quick hand gesture.

"Whose blood is it?" he says in a dangerously calm voice.

"Ruby's," Sam admits quietly, confirming Castiel's and most likely Dean's suspicions. And Sam doesn't even sound ashamed at carrying demon blood around with him to be able to take a sip whenever Ruby isn't available.

"Dammit, Sammy," Dean curses and throws the flask down at Sam's feet. "How can you do that? How can even trust this bitch?"

"I told you, she saved my life. And her blood is making me stronger. That's how I could defeat Alastair and that's how I'm going to be able to kill Lilith. With Ruby's help."

Sam is angry now and defiantly picks up the flask from the floor. The cap has come loose and some blood is trickling out and on Sam's hand and he quickly licks it of. Dean watches in horror and disgust and tries to grab the flask from Sam which results in him being shoved so hard by his younger brother that he tumbles onto the next bed and over the far edge, landing on the floor with a thud. He quickly gets back up on his feet again though.

"No, Sam. There's got to be another way. This…," he waves his hand at Sam and the flask, "this is just wrong. You've got to know that."

"This is the only way we can prevent Lucifer from being freed from his cage. You just don't understand it and you've never liked Ruby, even when she did nothing but help and save us. All. The. Fucking. Time."

"No." Dean is just as angry now and yelling at his brother. "You're drinking blood like some freak of nature. That is not the way."

"I am a freak of nature, Dean. Ever since Azazel chose me. I might as well use it for good now." Sam yells back and tries to push past Dean to leave the room. "If you don't like it then I'm finishing this without you."

Dean stops him by holding on to the arm of his shirt but Sam roughly pulls free and when Dean tries to stop him again he starts fighting his brother in earnest.

"You are not going to stop me," he tells his older brother and still Dean grabs a hold of him again and then the brothers are throwing punches at each other, rolling over the floor, breaking some of the furniture in the room as they go. Castiel has a hard time watching this. It pains him to see the brothers, who are everything to each other, fight like this. But Sam is high on demon blood and therefore the fight is over soon, with Dean lying on his back on the floor, breathing hard, blood on his lips.

Sam leaves and Dean stays where he is, on the floor. He calls for Castiel again, desperately, although he must know by now that the angel cannot come to him. And again this is hard for Castiel to bear because Dean looks so defeated right now. He has been left by his angel and his own brother has betrayed him. And still he prays for Cas only to be disappointed yet again.

So when Rachel and Zachariah appear in the room next to him he doesn't even react while the angel watching from up above almost jumps in surprise and shock, knowing that this visit can't be good. And when they ask Dean to swear fealty to them and to Heaven, Castiel thinks that in his current state of mind Dean might just say yes. But the hunter's worries are still only about his brother and he doesn't care much about the angel's problems so he tells to get the hell out, in a much more colorful way though, and Castiel sighs, relieved.

But that feeling is very short-lived because Rachel and Zachariah seem to be prepared for this answer and they simply knock Dean out, take his arms and take him with them, zapping him away with the obvious intend to change his mind.


	4. Chapter 4

**I had way too much fun writing this chapter. But I knew I wanted a torture scene in this even before I started writing the first chapter. Don't know what that reveals about me (I probably don't want to know ;) ) There is a reason for this chapter though and once you made it through this things will start to get better. But now; enjoy (I guess).**

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><p>Dean wakes up again what might be only minutes but just as well hours or days later. He feels disoriented and doesn't know where he is, how he got there and what the hell happened to him. Everything seems to hurt though and as he tries to move to check out his injuries he notices that he is chained to a wall with his arms lifted above his head and his wrists secured with sturdy cuffs. Immediately he pulls at them, testing their strength but they hold.<p>

He stops his struggles for the time being, thinking it might be a good idea to conserve his strength and try to remember what happened. Slowly things start coming back to him and he remembers a fight with his brother.

"Sam," he calls out although he already feels that the dark, damp and moldy smelling room is empty except for him. And as soon as he says his brother's name out loud he knows again how that fight ended. With Sam beating the crap out of him and then walking away to find that demon bitch Ruby. Well, that does explain why he's hurting and it also means that Sam is safe for the moment, as safe as one can be in the company of a demon.

What it doesn't explain though is what happened to him after Sam left and Dean is straining to remember when suddenly the door opens and the silhouettes of two figures are visible against the sudden glare of an unnaturally bright light from the outside. One of the figures snaps its fingers and suddenly the room is flooded with light, too. Dean's eyes need a moment to adjust and when he can see again his two visitors are standing right in front of him, watching him attentively.

"Son of a bitch. You," Dean spits full of disgust when he recognizes Rachel and Zachariah as his captors.

"You don't remember our last little visit? And I had hoped that you would have reconsidered by now," Zachariah tells him with an amused little smile on his face that seems entirely out of place for this situation.

"Reconsider? What the fuck are you talking about? Let me go!" he yells, pulling on his restraints again.

"Oh, we will let you go. Once you have sworn your obedience to Heaven and its angels, just like Castiel. Well, almost, since he is actually an angel, but a disobedient one," he tells Dean and walks a few steps closer until he is standing right in front of the hunter, invading his personal space like only Cas ever does. Dean hates it even more now than when Cas does this. And he hates Zachariah more than any other angel he has ever met so far, for thinking he can just force Dean to cooperate and for doing the same thing to Cas.

He looks over at Rachel but she just looks at Zachariah and not at him and shows absolutely no emotion. There's no indication to what she thinks of this, but then she probably doesn't think for herself at all, being the good little angel that she is. Freakin' angels, they really mostly are dicks with wings. He turns his focus back on Zachariah who is still standing way too close to him and it annoys Dean so much that he does the only thing he still can and he kicks out at him while saying, "Never. I won't swear obedience to you, asshole."

The angel in front of him is not amused and forcefully backhands Dean so that his head snaps back against the hard wall behind him, knocking him out for a moment. When he comes to again the two angels have left and he finds that now his ankles are shackled to the wall as well. It's completely dark again and he is alone. Since it is not much use to struggle he tries to relax as best as he can and closes his eyes to get some rest before things get really bad. And they will, of that he is sure.

Eventually he falls into an uneasy but mercifully dreamless sleep. A few hours later he is roughly woken up when a fist slams into his stomach. All air leaves him at once and it takes a few seconds of struggling before he can fill his lungs again, panting slightly against the pain. Slowly he lifts his head to look at his attacker in the dim light that is now filling the room, spilling through the cracks between the boards that make up the walls. It must be day outside.

His attacker is a heavyset man wearing a black suit that looks almost like costume on him. His expression and even his eyes are absolutely stony and he shows no emotion. It is clear that he has been ordered to do a job and he'll do it without questioning it or having any feelings concerning it. Dean thinks that he is probably a low-ranking angel but he might as well be a robot, for all the difference that would make.

Now that Dean is properly awake the guy takes a step closer again and swings his fist again, this time into the hunter's side. Dean feels at least one rib crack from the blow and has to fight to suppress a groan of pain. He just takes a few quick breaths until the pain subsides and steels himself for what is yet to come. He's been to Hell, dammit, he can take this.

And he manages to stay almost quiet as the blows rain down on his body. They are not random but aiming for the most sensible parts of a human's upper body to inflict maximum pain. At first the robot-angel tries to reach his kidneys but because Dean's wrists and ankles are chained to the wall it is not easy to hit his lower back and these blows are not as painful as they could be if they were to be delivered perfectly. But then his tormentor concentrates on his front and Dean can feel more ribs break under the force of the man's massive fists.

At one point a broken rib punctures his lung and he can't breathe anymore, but right before he thinks he is going to pass out from lack of oxygen the robot-angel waves his hand and his lungs are whole again. The same happens when Dean thinks that some internal organ has been hurt and he might be bleeding to death internally. The robot-angel waves his hand and the damage is repaired and only the pain stays. Dean is supposed to suffer but not die.

After what feels like an eternity of being beaten, Zachariah appears again and greets Dean with an almost casual slap in the face. It is still hard enough though for Dean to feel blood starting to pool in his mouth, so when Zachariah asks him to swear his obedience to Heaven again, Dean spits the blood out on the ground right at the angel's feet.

"I take that as a no," Zachariah states and walks towards the back of the room or shack or whatever this place is.

"Instead of torturing me into doing something that will never happen you should better let me go so I can help Sam kill Lilith before she breaks the final seal," Dean says hoarsely and Zachariah laughs softly at his words.

"Ah, don't worry. Your dear little brother has his part to play and he will succeed in killing Lilith without your help. I have no doubt about that. Once she is dead and Lucifer walks free you will have your own part in this game, as soon as you agree to our terms."

His words, so casually spoken, shock Dean more than anything he has ever heard. "Lucifer walks free? But when Sam kills Lilith she can't break the final seal." Dean is confused and scared now. Has everything they have done so far just been a game to the angels? A game they can't possibly win?

"Why, yes," Zachariah tells him as if this was common knowledge. "You see, Lilith is the final seal. In order for Lucifer to be freed from his cage she has to die. And Sam is going to be the one helping her with it."

So this is the truth. They were never supposed to stop the seals from breaking. For some reason the angels want Lucifer to be free again and Dean feels paralyzed for a moment.

"You bastard. Let me go!" Dean yells, but Zachariah has already left and he is alone with his torturer again. "Son of a bitch," he growls at no one in particular and the robot-angel now pulls a wicked looking knife out of the inside of his suit jacket.

Knowing what will now follow Dean takes a deep, painful breath. Already he can feel the bruises forming, adding to the ones Sam gave him and cracked ribs don't exactly make breathing easier. The knife easily slices through his shirt and the skin underneath and Dean hisses at the pain. This much he allows himself but he will not give Zachariah, who is surely not far and listening, the satisfaction of hearing Dean Winchester scream. And so he hisses and breathes heavily and even sometimes groans as the robot-angel cuts him, only healing the cuts that were too deep, that were bleeding too profusely, until his clothes are only bloody rags hanging from his body, but he doesn't scream.

When the robot-angel leaves, Dean feels weak, cold and slightly dizzy from the blood loss. He tries to relax his aching muscles, which have been tensed during the entire torture, and lets his head droop forwards and closes his eyes. This is as comfortable as he can get, which isn't much what with his blood drying on his tattered clothes, making everything stiff and scratchy. But there is nothing he can do to change this and it is still harmless against what he had to endure in Hell. This is not the right way to break him he thinks with satisfaction.

But Zachariah seems to have realized this as well, because when he returns to Dean he is not alone. He quickly gets the hunter's attention by using his angelic powers to squeeze his insides into one hard, excruciatingly painful ball before releasing him again. Dean carefully breathes through the lingering pain as his internal organs return to their rightful places and shapes and it takes him a moment to realize that Zachariah is accompanied by a terrified looking young woman instead of another angel.

"You have a remarkable resilience and unfortunately I don't have thirty years to break you and since your brother seems to have dropped off the face of the Earth, with demon help no doubt, I have a present for you," Zachariah says and gives the woman a rough shove that makes her stumble forwards and fall to her knees in front of Dean, where she starts to cry. She is pale and her long, dark hair is caked with mud, as is her dress that used to be white before the angels took her. They must have captured her a while ago and kept her locked up for exactly this moment.

The hunter just stares at him in disbelief, not really able or even wanting to comprehend what Zachariah is offering here. He can only shake his head slowly, too shocked still to be able to form words. Zachariah simply shrugs at that and with a wave of his hand the woman is suddenly chained to the wall opposite Dean. She's not as securely chained as Dean. There is just some length of chain attached to her left ankle and she uses that little bit of freedom to retreat as far into the next corner as she can, pressing herself against the wall and hiding her face in her arms.

"Not your type, eh? Not a problem," Zachariah tells Dean before he disappears, leaving Dean to wonder what that was supposed to mean. Nothing good probably.

While they are alone he tries to talk to the woman but she won't answer any of his questions or even lift her head to look at him. Finally he just gives up trying to learn her name and just tells her his name and promises to do his best to get them both out, even though he has no idea how to achieve that, with Sam running around with Ruby and Cas being held somewhere by Zachariah.

Soon Zachariah returns and with him is the robot-angel who is holding another woman. This one is clean, has long blonde hair and a very nice, curvy figure. She is exactly Dean's type and she is also struggling against the angel like crazy.

Before Zachariah can say anything Dean informs him, "The answer is still no and it won't change, no matter who you bring here."

Zachariah seems to want to reply something but at the moment the blonde woman manages to twist in her captors grip enough to be able to bite him and she bites down hard and holds on. The robot-angel shakes her violently to get her to let go and suddenly there is a sickly crack as her neck snaps and the angel holding her lets her lifeless form slide to the ground, while Dean and the other woman both watch the scene in horror.

"Humans are so damn breakable," Zachariah sighs, nudging the dead woman with his foot to make sure she really is dead. "Well, I guess we will have to try something else entirely then. Let's see how well you can take seeing someone else suffer on your behalf," he tells Dean with a quick glance at the woman in the corner who is already hiding her face again. "We'll be back after this mess has been cleaned up."

The two angels and the dead body vanish, leaving behind a sobbing woman and a desperate hunter who knows he probably doesn't have much time before they come back and he will finally cave. He really needs to get out, now.


	5. Chapter 5

Castiel has been watching Dean's torture with increasing horror. He knows the hunter is strong and won't give in just to avoid the pain. But Castiel can almost feel every blow and every cut as if it were him chained to that wall instead of Dean. This is it, this is too much. The wayward angel has finally reached his breaking point.

He can't stay in Heaven any longer, not doing anything about this situation. He has to take the leap and fall. But he'll need to plan this and he'll need help, because he can't just rip out his grace and then be reborn as a human nine months from now. That wouldn't do Dean any good. He needs to still be him, with all his knowledge and thoughts and feelings, just human. And he knows just the angel to ask, an old friend whom he still trusts.

"So you're really going to fall for a human," his brother repeats in his vessel's British accent after Castiel has told his story and voiced his plea for help.

"He is not just any human, Balthazar," Castiel replies hotly. "He is the one who can prevent Lucifer from walking free. He can avert the apocalypse."

"Yes, yes. I'm not too fond of that idea myself. I rather like how things are down on Earth right now," he appeases his brother. And really, Castiel thinks as soon as he has calmed down again, the fact that Balthazar has already chosen a vessel, even though he doesn't serve on Earth at the moment, should have clued him in on his brother's feelings about how things are in Heaven now.

"Alright, what exactly do you need my help with, then?" Balthazar asks after having regarded Castiel for a few minutes. "You don't need help to fall and escape Heaven but you won't be of any help to that human either. A little selfish really, now that I think about it. Didn't think you had it in you but you have already surprised me plenty by coming to see me." The blonde angel pauses, maybe waiting for his brother to say something, but Castiel remains silent. "I assume you want me to take care of that human for you then," he finally finishes his train of thought.

"No, none of that. I don't wish to be reborn as a human, I want to fall as I am now," Castiel explains and Balthazar stares at him, struck speechless by the other angel's intend.

"There is a spell I came across a while ago. It is a very old, almost forgotten Enochian spell that will do that. But I am not powerful enough anymore to perform it. That's what I need your help with," he continues and a wide grin spreads on Balthazar's face.

"Well, well, if that doesn't sound like a plan. Alright I'll help you, under one condition."

Castiel frowns. He should have known that Balthazar's help wouldn't be for free. But unless whatever the blond angel wants him to do is absolutely impossible he knows he'll agree. He really needs his help and there is no one else he can ask. No one still left in Heaven anyway. Gabriel might help but he abandoned his celestial family long ago and Castiel has no idea where he is hiding, so Balthazar is his only choice.

"What condition is that?" he therefore asks.

"Just a small favor really. I'm tired of what Heaven has become and I'm bloody tired of sneaking out for small amounts of time if I want to have some fun. I'll help you get away from here and you'll help me get away from here in return. I plan on faking my death so no one will look for me. Unlike you I am not willing to fall and kiss my powers goodbye," Balthazar explains.

Castiel stares at him. He had no idea that his brother felt like that about Heaven. Yes, he knows that Balthazar has never been one to just blindly follow orders, even though that is what angels were originally created to do. Balthazar has always been a bit rebellious but in the end he did what was expected of him. Though this special character trait of his is the reason why he is hardly ever allowed to descend down to Earth and interact with the humans there.

Apparently he has had enough now; maybe he has even been inspired by Castiel's own actions and wants to try out this 'free will thing' for himself now. His plan sounds a little bit crazy though. Fake his death and then hide from the other angels? Castiel isn't sure if that is even possible. Sure, Gabriel did it, the hiding thing, but he is an archangel, infinitely more powerful than Balthazar. But if that is what it takes to get his help then Castiel will do it.

"What do you need me to do?"

"We will need to merge our Graces, so my 'signature' is different. Now that you've decided to fall it's the perfect time. If an angel does feel me they won't know what to make of it and in any case they won't know what to look for in the first place."

"I understand. You want to disguise yourself with my Grace and since it will be gone soon no one will be able to find you then," Castiel replies, just to make sure he's gotten it right and Balthazar nods.

"Exactly. Now be a good lad and go back to your little room and pretend like nothing has changed. I will need to prepare a few things, cause a little mayhem to make my sudden demise believable. I will get you when I'm ready."

And with that Balthazar disappears and Castiel returns to his personal Hell in Heaven, the little white room from where he can continue to watch Dean getting tortured by Zachariah's goon. He can hardly bear to watch but he can't look away either and so he witnesses the torture and Dean's refusal to let out one single scream, feeling terrible with the knowledge that it is one of his brothers doing these awful things to a member of their father's most incredible creations.

It feels like an eternity, one filled with bruises and blood and silent screams of pain and terror, until Balthazar finally comes to see Castiel. He's looking slightly disheveled and quickly looks around to make sure they really are alone in this room.

"Sorry, I got held up. But it's all been taken care of and it just makes the story of my death that much more believable. Now someone actually did die," he grins and then quickly uses his powers to straighten his hair and clothes again.

"So, are you ready to leave this place behind for good?" he then asks and Castiel nods enthusiastically. Even though he's sure he'll miss Heaven and being an angel eventually, at this very moment there is nothing he wants more than to leave as soon as possible so he can help Dean.

"Alright then. Let's go somewhere where we're less likely to be walked in on though," Balthazar declares and grabs his brother's arm before he can say anything in response and they find themselves in a meadow surrounded by tall trees just a second later.

"This should do it," Balthazar announces but both angels check out there surroundings with all the senses their vessels provide them, as well as their angel senses. When they find no other being anywhere close to them they relax a little and prepare for the tasks they came here to do.

"You're up first," Castiel says. "After we do my spell I won't have any Grace left to merge with yours."

Balthazar nods in agreement and reaches out with his Grace to find the other angel's. They both shudder at the strange, tingling feeling as their Graces touch and then Balthazar coaxes Castiel's Grace to wrap itself around his and build connections that will disguise his own specific characteristics. Castiel wills his Grace to follow Balthazar's lead and it's a strange and unfamiliar thing to do but he can feel that it works.

Finally Balthazar pulls back and Castiel can feel parts of his Grace leave him and parts of Balthazar's Grace stay with him to replace the parts that are gone now. They both need a moment to adjust to the new situation and to find themselves again, with the presence of a strange Grace now within their cores.

"Did it work?" Castiel asks and Balthazar just shrugs.

"I think so. You tell me."

Castiel stretches his angelic senses, trying to find the signature he knows belongs to Balthazar's Grace and he can't find a match. Only when he extends his search to his own signature can he sense the other angel.

"It worked. I can't find you anymore when I just look for you," he smiles.

"Well, then. For all intends and purposes I suppose we are successfully mated now," Balthazar says and is obviously amused as Castiel looks at him with surprise and shock written all over his face.

"Mated?" he asks slowly. He knows that angels can do that, but it happens very rarely and he has never met anyone who was mated so he had not known how it works. Now he does and he's pretty sure that Balthazar didn't tell him the full truth beforehand for fear that Castiel would back down from their deal, which he probably wouldn't have done.

"Yes, mated. But don't worry about it darling," Balthazar tells him, clearly teasing him with the endearment, making Castiel glower at him. "It will only last until you fall. Then you will be human and free from all ties to me. But it was the only way to disguise myself."

Castiel continues to glare but he can't undo the tie between them anymore. It's too late now and, as Balthazar pointed out, it won't last that much longer because he intends to become a human right now anyway with the other angel's help.

"Okay, let's do it," he decides, choosing to just ignore the mate-thing since it won't be of consequence anymore in a few minutes and Balthazar would only use any reaction to tease him.

"Sure. Just tell me what you need me to do," Balthazar agrees and Castiel explains the spell that will transform some of his Grace into a human soul and mind and let the rest leave his body gently and dissipate. There will be no way back once the spell has been performed. Balthazar only has to hold on to him then so he won't tumble from Heaven and be just a spark that will be reborn eventually. Once the spell is complete Balthazar will have to hold him together and then bring him to Earth where he will be a normal human. Well, maybe not normal what with all his knowledge about Heaven and angels and stuff, but other than that just like every other man.

The blond angel listens carefully and as he starts chanting the old Enochian spell he already wraps his wings as an extension of his Grace around Castiel to prevent him from falling right away. Castiel can soon feel the effects of the spell and the transformation taking place within him. It is a strange sensation and he has never felt anything like it before but it's not unpleasant or even painful.

It is just strange and he knows exactly when the spell is complete and his Grace and powers are gone for good. He can feel his newly formed soul now and he likes it. It's something he can get used to and it doesn't feel that much different from being an angel. At least not that much different from being an angel with emotions and doubts and he is already glad that he took this step, even if it leaves him completely powerless. But it also leaves him free and that's the most important thing.

"So…how does it feel?" Balthazar asks curiously.

"It feels good!" Castiel replies happily as he looks around and tries out his now human senses. They may be dulled but they're still enough to experience the beauty of the Heaven around him. Balthazar gives him the time to adjust.

"There is one more thing we should do before we get out of here," he says a while later, reminding Castiel of where they are and what they are doing and why. "I think it'd be best if you were hidden from all angels. I don't want to get caught because I'm near you."

And without further warning he presses his hand against Cas' chest and burns Enochian sigils in his ribs which will hide him from angels and demons. Castiel gasps at the sudden burn but it's over quickly and he has to admit that Balthazar is right. He hadn't even really thought past falling.

"Thank you, Balthazar. We should leave now."

"You're right, let's go." And Balthazar grips him securely and together they descend down to Earth, hidden from all other angels who might come looking for them. It is the first time for Castiel to experience being teleported somewhere without his angelic senses and it's overwhelming. When they land he stumbles and almost falls and it's only because Balthazar catches the back of his trench coat that he remains upright.

"That was unexpectedly unpleasant," he declares and Balthazar laughs at him and after a moment Castiel cautiously joins him with a soft chuckle. He can now understand Dean's aversion to being zapped places.


	6. Chapter 6

**This is as far as I had the chapters prepared before I started publishing this story. I'm already working on the next one but updating might get a bit slower from now on. Don't worry, I know where I'm going with this story and I have tons of ideas. The problem is that I also have tons of ideas for other stories as well and the day just doesn't have enough hours. At least not enough hours that I can use for writing.**

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><p>Dean still hasn't managed to free himself and he is suspecting that maybe there is something more than just chains holding him in place. Although being tortured for hours with no food or real sleep is of course exhausting for the strongest human and the chains are sturdy. But he still thinks he should have been able to break loose and so he settles on the idea that some angel magic is keeping him restrained, if only to make him feel better about his failure to escape.<p>

But when the robot-angel returns from disposing of the corpse he struggles violently again, ignoring the pain this causes in his shoulders, because there is just no way he can allow an innocent woman to get hurt. This is his fight, not hers. As the angel slowly approaches the woman she tries to retreat even further into her corner, her whole body shaking with fear. Dean changes his strategy because the chains just won't budge and he starts yelling insults at the goon, hoping against hope that he will focus his attention on him.

"You feathery son of a bitch. Pick on someone your own size you coward." The robot-angel doesn't even turn to look at him. He just gives a quick flick of his wrist and Dean is groaning in pain, which thankfully subsides quickly.

"Hey…," he starts again and then pauses, trying to think of something that will actually make the angel stop in his advance towards the woman.

"Hey, ass-butt!" comes a voice from the other side of the room and Dean turns his head because he recognizes that gravelly voice, would recognize it anywhere, but it can't be, can it? Apparently it is true. Cas is there in the company of another guy, presumably also an angel and he has just yelled the strangest insult Dean has ever heard in his life. And he has heard many of those.

"Ass-butt?" he asks slightly amused but doesn't receive an answer. Suddenly the blond angel next to Cas vanishes and when Dean looks around to figure out what's going on he sees him appearing right behind the robot-angel with his angel blade ready to deliver the fatal blow. The stabbed angel looks at him in shock and clutches his chest.

"Bal…" He never finishes the word because suddenly there is a bright white light and he falls to the floor where a shadow of his wings becomes visible stretching out from the dead body.

"Cas. It's so good to see you," Dean sighs, now that the immediate danger is over. "Could you get me down?"

Castiel walks over to the hunter and stops right next to him. "I'm sorry, Dean. I can't. Balthazar?"

The other angel is suddenly there and with a light touch the chains dissolve and Dean is free and his body is no longer supported by any restraints. He is weak after being chained to the wall for so many hours and his legs give out and he starts to fall. Cas catches him and gently lowers Dean to the floor. Balthazar crouches down next to him and with a short touch to his forehead all his injuries are healed and Dean feels better than he has in a while.

"Right. Let's go," Balthazar says and is already reaching out for Dean and Cas but Dean flinches away from the touch.

"No. Not without the girl," he tells them and crosses his arms in front of chest clearly signaling that there's no way he's leaving her.

Balthazar graces him with an annoyed and slightly surprised look. A human just dared to disagree with him and he seems to fully expect Balthazar to do as he says. But then Cas steps next to Dean, showing support.

"He's right Balthazar. We can't leave her here," he tells the angel and Balthazar looks from Cas to Dean and back before nodding reluctantly.

"Alright. Hold this," he says and presses his still bloody angel blade in Dean's hands who accepts it surprised.

Then he quickly teleports across the room to the girl and frees her. He is just about to touch her forehead to send her back to where she belongs, when suddenly Zachariah and Rachel appear.

For a moment everyone in the room freezes from surprise and they all stare at each other before several things start happening at once. Balthazar shoves the woman back into the corner where she'll be relatively safe behind him, as Zachariah charges him, blade in hand. Rachel and Cas draw their blades at the same time and she faces him and Dean and they start to circle her like predators stalking prey.

Meanwhile Balthazar sidesteps Zachariah with ease and a cocky smile and gives him a hard shove that sends the charging angel slamming into the wall headfirst. The wall gives and Zachariah tumbles through the hole in a very graceless move and just manages to disappear before he falls into the rubble. He does lose his sword in the process though, which Balthazar picks up smoothly to turn around and face the other angel with his own weapon.

He smiles brightly and taunts Zachariah by twirling the blade in his hands but still managing to parry every one of his attempts to regain the weapon. With one eye Balthazar watches the other fight, keeping Zachariah occupied.

Dean and Cas finally get Rachel right between them and no matter how much she tries to turn there is always someone in front of her and someone behind her. Finally they stop playing and Rachel tries to stab Dean who is in front of her that moment. But this action briefly distracts her from Cas who seizes his chance and drives the sword hilt-deep through her back.

After the blinding white light subsides he and Dean look over to see how Balthazar is faring. As it turns out Balthazar is in trouble, having been so distracted by Rachel's lightshow-death that Zachariah reclaimed his weapon and is now slowly advancing on a retreating, not so cocky anymore, angel. He has Balthazar against the wall and is ready to deliver the final strike when Dean casually taps him on the shoulder and he turns around in surprise. This is his last action because when Dean sees an opening he uses it and plunges the blade Balthazar handed him earlier through Zachariah's lower jaw and up into his head, killing him.

All three of them give a collective sigh of relief until a soft whimpering reminds them that there is still someone else there with them, someone who needs their help. Dean crouches down next to the woman, talking to her in a low soothing voice and finally convinces her that the danger is over. He gently helps her to her feet and they walk over to Balthazar and Cas. Balthazar carefully reaches out to touch her forehead, like someone would reach out to a frightened animal, and then says some words in Enochian before sending her back to where she came from.

"I altered her memory. I thought it'd be better if she didn't remember any of this," he explains when he sees Dean's questioning look. Dean nods. Balthazar is right. Not remembering what happened is probably for her best.

"Right. But can we please take this somewhere else now? I don't really wanna stay here around three dead angels. You never know when someone'll come looking for them," Dean says.

"You're right Dean. But we should hide you from all angels, so no one will be able to track us," Castiel agrees and then looks at Balthazar who reaches out and tries to place his palm on Dean's chest.

"Woah, what are you doing?" Dean asks, backing away from the angel. Balthazar stops his movement and lets his arm sink down to his side again. He looks at Castiel for help.

"He wants to carve some Enochian sigils into your ribs so no angel or demon can find you anymore," Cas explains and Dean stares at him in amazement.

"That is possible?"

Cas smiles and nods.

"Okay, so why won't you do it? And while we're at it, why is Balthazar doing all the mojo related jobs? You conserving your strength or something?" Dean finally asks the questions that Castiel knows he needs to answer but has been dreading all the same. He is afraid of how Dean will react.

"I can't," he quietly admits.

"What do you mean, you can't?"

"I'm no longer an angel. I had to fall to leave Heaven and Balthazar helped me with it. I'm human now." He doesn't look at Dean, just patiently waits through the surprised silence that follows his confession.

"Why did you do it?" There is no judgment in Dean's voice, only genuine curiosity and concern.

"It was the only way I could do anything. Help you. I couldn't just stay in Heaven doing nothing while you needed my help," he answers feeling a little more confident now but his eyes are still trained at the ground between Dean and him. Only when Dean puts a hand on his shoulder and squeezes briefly does he look up to meet the hunter's green eyes.

"I really could use your help," Dean says with a smile, holding his gaze.

"Even without my powers?" Cas asks, getting to the point of why he was afraid of Dean's reaction.

"Even without your powers. You know, I could also use a friend," Dean tells him and finally Castiel can smile, too.

"If you two lovebirds are done for now, I'd really love to leave this little shithole. I'm ready to have some fun," Balthazar, who has been watching their exchange with quiet annoyance, interrupts them.

"Sure, I'm ready. Hide me," Dean agrees, turning away from Cas to face the other angel, no, the only angel in the room, as Dean has to remind himself. It will take a while, getting used to the fact that Cas is human now.

Balthazar reaches out again to place his palm against Dean's chest and this time Dean allows it. He gasps at the short burn but it's over before it gets really painful and it's absolutely worth it if it means that no angel or demon can just find them whenever they want. A little privacy is always appreciated.

"All done," Balthazar declares and takes a step back again. "Now, my part is done. Just tell me where I should drop you off, so I can finally go my own way."

"Just, uhm, send us to Bobby's," Dean decides after a moment and before he can add anything else Balthazar has already touched his and Cas' forehead and zapped them away. And just like that the two men find themselves standing in the middle of Bobby's study, facing a slightly startled but also relieved looking hunter.


	7. Chapter 7

**I hope there aren't too many mistakes in this one, 'cause I wrote part of this on a different computer which doesn't have a spell-check.**

**Anyway, thank you all for reading and a special thanks to my faithful reviewers 'Call Me Johnny' and 'RosesandThorns666'. :D**

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><p>"Thank god you're okay, boy," Bobby greets him after having gotten over his little shock of Dean and Cas just appearing in his study out of thin air. "I've been worried. I couldn't reach you or Sam. What happened to you? Where is Sam?"<p>

"I don't know where Sam is. We had a fight and he ran off with Ruby," Dean admits, now embarrassed about how badly he handled the situation with Sam. But when Bobby gives him an accusing look, which he knows he deserves, he still feels the need to defend himself. "He was drinking demon blood. That's just wrong in so many ways."

"So you pushed him away and now he's with Ruby where he has access to as much demon blood as he wants," Bobby tells him and Dean looks away. "Idjit," Bobby mutters and then turns to Cas.

"So you finally decided to come down here and help us, huh?" he asks grumpily.

Cas is a bit taken aback by Bobby's tone and implication but before he can say anything Dean comes to his defense.

"Bobby, he couldn't help earlier. The other angels dragged his ass back to Heaven and he had to fall to help me," Dean explains and Bobby stops to think about what Dean just said, then nods.

"And what happened to you that you needed a fallen angel's help?" he asks again.

"Other angels happened to me," Dean tells him and then continues to explain what Zachariah and Rachel did to him and what he learned about Lilith and the final seal.

"Freakin' angels," Bobby says when Dean is done. "No offense," he adds as an afterthought, addressing Cas.

"None taken. I'm not an angel anymore," Cas replies and shrugs.

"Right. You revoked your membership to that club," Bobby mutters more to himself than to Cas who nods nevertheless. "Alright, I suppose you need to find Sam now ASAP. I've been trying to track Lilith and I bet Ruby has been doing the same thing so I can tell you where you should start looking. Where's your car?" Now that Dean's words have really sunken in he is all business and Dean is grateful to have someone like Bobby to help him.

"It's probably still at the motel where Sam and I stayed during the last job," he tells Bobby who in response grabs some keys and goes to the front door. Dean and Cas stare at him for a moment, not sure what is going on.

"Well, what are you waiting for? A written invitation? I'm gonna take you to your car so can start looking for Sam," Bobby tells them gruffly and Dean and Cas then hurry to follow the older hunter outside.

The drive is very quiet and since Bobby drives fast it isn't very long either. Mostly the areas they drive through are deserted and they don't meet many other cars and they don't stop anywhere either. None of them feels like interacting with strangers at the moment, they have enough to think about with their own problems.

The sky seems to mirror their moods. It is gray with low hanging clouds and in the distance they can see a thunderstorm. It is bleak but eerily beautiful to watch the lightning bolts race across the sky and down towards the earth, occasionally hitting a tree and setting it on fire. Castiel is fascinated by this display of nature's power. He has never taken the time to watch a storm before and they look much different from Heaven anyway.

"Do thunderstorms always look like this?" he asks Dean, still awed by the beauty of it.

"From far away, yeah, I guess so," Dean answers a bit unsure and turns in his seat to look at the angel, no fallen angel he has to correct himself again.

Cas doesn't even look at him, he continues to stare out the windshield to watch the storm ahead of them. " It's beautiful," he says and Dean turns his body towards the front again to take a look himself now. To really look at the storm for the first time since they've been able to see it. As he tries to see it with Cas' eyes, someone who sees this for the first time as a human, he can see the beauty in it as well.

"Yes, it is," he quietly agrees and Cas smiles, happy that Dean understands him.

They don't talk anymore for the rest of the drive, their moods lightened though since Cas' remark about the storm, which they thankfully don't catch. As nice as it is to look at, it would have been a bitch to drive through.

When they reach the parking lot they immediately spot the Impala and Dean sighs in relief at it still being there. Bobby just drops them off and then turns around right away, with the promise to call them as soon as he finds out anything new about Lilith and where Sam and Ruby might be.

Dean quickly goes to the manager in the hope that he can retrieve his stuff, which has probably been cleared out of the room when he didn't pay for it anymore. He's lucky, the motel still has all his things and after he's paid the outstanding fee for the room he is handed his bag and he and Cas get into the car to go and find Sam.

They don't get too far right away because Dean suddenly stops at a roadside diner. He has been feeling a lot better just having his baby back and he is confident that he and Cas can find Sam and stop him from killing Lilith. He has to believe that or he might as well give up right now, but for some reason believing has become much easier.

He feels almost happy when he parks the car in the parking lot and gets out, catching Cas' questioning look across the roof of the Impala. "I'm hungry. A man has to eat," he says by way of explanation and Cas nods and they go inside the diner, finding a booth close to the door.

When the waitress approaches them Dean orders his usual bacon-cheeseburger with a side of fries and a large coke. The middle-aged, motherly looking waitress writes down the order and then turns to Cas.

"And what can I get you, honey," she asks him, smiling warmly at the man who seems slightly lost, as he is looking at his menu.

Dean is just about to jump in and tell that Cas doesn't need anything when Cas finally figures out a way to order food without revealing that he has no idea what half of the items on the menu actually are. "I'll have the same as him," he says smiling up at her and she jots down his order on her little notepad.

"Alright. Your food will be right up," she tells them and then bustles away to get their drinks.

When Cas notices Dean's surprised look and the raised eyebrows he just shrugs. "What? I'm human now. I need to eat, too."

"Of…of course," Dean answers. "You're human. Of course you need to eat. Sorry, it's still a little hard to wrap my head around it. That you fell and all that," he mumbles, feeling slightly embarrassed that he already forgot about that again. Dammit, Cas gave up his Grace for him and he can't even bother to remember that.

"Thanks," he adds, barely audible, because he feels he needs to make up for the fact that he forgot.

"For what?" Cas asks.

Dean doesn't answer right away, because the waitress returns with their drinks and sets them down in front of them. "Food will be done in just a few minutes," she informs her and Dean gives her a dazzling smile before she leaves them alone again.

"You know. For falling," Dean tells him, looking down at his hands which are folded on top of the table.

"Oh. Anything for you, Dean," Cas answers sincerely and Dean looks up at that, meeting his gaze. He doesn't know what to say. What do you say when someone gives up everything for you?

Dean is grateful when the food comes and they finally have something to do, something else to concentrate on instead of just each other. This was getting way to chick-flicky for his liking. So he takes his burger and starts eating, watching Cas doing the same. He sees the other man's eyes widen as he chews slowly before swallowing, savoring the taste.

Dean smiles. "Good?" he asks and Cas nods, too busy taking another bite to answer. Good thing Sam isn't eating with them, Dean thinks. He would have made Cas try salad first. But then Dean remembers why Sam isn't there, having momentarily forgotten all the shit going on in his life over the food, and he shoves the thought of his brother to the back of his mind. Right now he just wants to enjoy his food. Sam will be top priority again when they leave the diner.

Dean has already cleared his plate and Cas is just finishing the last of his fries when the waitress returns. "Everything alright here?" she asks.

"Yes, thank you," Dean tells her and Cas nods enthusiastically in agreement, eating another fry.

The woman smiles. "Can I get you anything else? Dessert?"

Dean doesn't have to think long. "Apple pie, please," he says.

"Good choice. It's our best," she tells him. "And for you?" she asks, turning to Cas.

"I don't think I can eat any more," he admits, resting a hand over his stomach which is almost uncomfortably full. That is a sensation he hasn't experienced before but the taste of the food makes it worth it.

The waitress leaves and returns only a minute later with an enormous slice of pie and Dean has to suppress a sigh at the sight of it. It looks and smells really good and Cas is now almost sorry that he is too full to have a slice as well.

When Dean takes the first bite he closes his eyes because it tastes that good. When he opens his eyes again he catches Cas staring at him and quickly looking away, down at the pie. Dean loads his fork with another piece of pie and holds it out across the table to Cas.

"Here try it," he tells him but Cas shakes his head.

"No, it's yours. I'll try another time."

"Come on. Just one bite. I know you want to," Dean coaxes, wondering why it is suddenly so important for Cas to try, and like, the pie.

Cas gives in then and opens his mouth so Dean can feed him the pie. And now it's Cas' turn to close his eyes as he enjoys the taste of the apple pie. He can't believe he almost refused this. It is heavenly good. When he opens his eyes again Dean is smiling at him.

"Like it?"

"Yes. It was ...good."

"Good?" Dean questions, raising an eyebrow.

"It was amazing. I love it," Cas clarifies and Dean grins widely. And everytime he takes another bite he offers one to Cas, too and they share the slice of pie until there is nothing left and they both give the empty plate a disappointed look.

But they have already wasted enough time and there'll be other pies, so Dean puts some money on the table, leaving a generous tip for the waitress and the two men leave the diner, now again entirely focussed on their task. They have to find Sam and they start by following up on the one lead Bobby gave them, hoping to still make it in time.


	8. Chapter 8

**Human!Cas made me put in a few more details than I had originally planned. Hope you enjoy. Thanks to RosesandThorns666 for helping me out with a little problem I had :D**

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><p>The location Bobby gave them, where he thought he had identified signs of demon activity, is still a few hours away. But even though the drive is long it is enjoyable, a lot of fun and it passes by quite quickly with the many questions Cas has. Now that he is human he is very curious about pretty much everything and Dean patiently explains what he can and promises to look up the things he can't explain.<p>

When they finally arrive at the town it is late and already dark outside. Both of them are tired after the long day they've had and they decide to just do a very rough search tonight and then get some sleep and continue looking for Sam the next day.

As they drive through the little town they find nothing suspicious. It's a weeknight and it's late and everything is quiet. On their second round they find a small motel and stop there for the night. Dean goes into the office to get them a room while Cas waits in the car, wondering what it will be like to sleep and suddenly realizing that he had nothing but the things he was wearing. The same things he had always been wearing.

As an angel that had been okay but as a human that probably won't work anymore, without his Grace to sustain him and keep him clean. He sighs at the realization that there are many things to being human he hasn't considered before he fell and that there are probably many things he doesn't even know about yet. At least he has Dean to help him out.

When Dean returns with a key in his hand Cas gets out the car and waits for Dean to get his duffel bag from the trunk and then follows him to the room. Dean puts his duffel on the bed closer to the door so Cas figures that it'll be Dean's and he sits down on the other one, unsure what to do now.

Dean rummages around in his bag, pulling out a t-shirt and a pair of boxers which he throws at Castiel who catches the clothes, giving Dean a questioning look.

"You can't stay in that suit and trench coat forever, you know. You can borrow those for tonight," Dean tells him, pointing at the clothes Castiel is holding, "and tomorrow we'll get you your own clothes."

"Thank you, Dean," Cas says quietly as he gets up, takes off his overcoat and heads towards the bathroom.

"Hey, Cas," Dean calls after him, holding out a plastic bag to him. "You're gonna need this."

Cas turns and takes the bag, looking at the contents. He sees a toothbrush, toothpaste and a shaving kit. "Thanks, Dean," he says and goes into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. After a few minutes he comes back out, changed into the clothes Dean gave him and holding the toothbrush in his hand.

"Dean, I've never used one of these. How…" He doesn't finish the sentence, slightly embarrassed that he doesn't know how to do a simple thing such as brushing his teeth. But as an angel he never had to bother with those things, has never seen the necessity to learn about personal hygiene. Now he has a lot to catch up with and he has to do so quickly.

Dean doesn't answer right away, he's busy staring at the fallen angel, whom he has never seen without his suit and trench coat. Now Cas is wearing the boxer shorts and the shirt Dean has given him and he's showing quite a lot of skin compared to his usual attire. He takes in the well toned legs and arms and is surprised by the change the different clothes make. Cas looks so normal now and rather attractive, Dean thinks and then quickly stops this train of thought and looks up into Cas' face to finally answer his question.

"Come on, I'll show you," he says and gently pushes Cas back into the bathroom where he explains to him how to use the toothbrush. It is certainly less awkward than the moment in the car when Cas had told him that he felt this strange pressure in his lower abdomen and was worried about it.

At first Dean had smiled, thinking it was strangely adorable to watch Cas adapt to being a human. He hadn't found it adorable anymore when he had explained to Cas that he probably needed to take a piss and Cas had asked how exactly he should do that. Dean had had to go into more detail than he felt comfortable with and it had been in that moment he had realized that Cas would need some help for a while and had bought the toothbrush.

Once Cas knows what to do Dean leaves him to it and settles in front of the TV until he can use the bathroom. There is nothing on but fortunately he doesn't have to wait long. Cas apparently had no more problems and comes out of the bathroom, carrying a neatly folded stack of clothes, which he puts on a chair. Dean now gets ready for bed quickly and when he returns to the bedroom again Cas is already asleep in his bed. Poor guy must have been exhausted.

"Good night," Dean whispers to the sleeping form and then climbs into his own bed, falling asleep quickly as well.

The next morning, after Dean let Cas use his soap to shower and then helped him shave, they really start searching the town for demons but they find nothing. Since it is the only lead they have, they take their time and are very thorough but there are no stories of people acting weird, no strange occurrences or even deaths, not even a trace of sulfur.

When they return to their motel room at night, with a large pizza and a six-pack of beer, Dean immediately calls Bobby.

"There are no demons here, Bobby. The place is squeaky clean. This town is like freakin' Pleasantville."

"Lilith is trying to keep a low profile, she probably just passed through. Makes her damn hard to track. I'll try to find out more and get back to you. We'll find Sam," the older hunter promises and Dean feels a little better after this conversation, even though Bobby didn't have any new information.

They finish the pizza and drink a beer each and Dean feels restless and suggests they go to bar for a while.

"Come on, it'll be fun. We'll have a few drinks, meet some chicks, relax a little," he tries to convince Cas, who doesn't really want to go out. But Dean really seems to want to go, so he nods.

"Great. You might even get lucky tonight, with your new outfit," Dean tells him, regarding the nicely fitting jeans and the shirt that is just the right shade of blue to really bring out Cas' eyes. They bought the things in the afternoon, while looking for signs of demons. When he notices that he is admiring the dude again, he quickly turns away to grab his leather jacket and walks towards the door.

Cas follows him and together they walk to the next bar which is right around the corner. They sit down at the bar and get a drink each and look around to check out the other patrons. At least that is what Dean is doing. Cas is being hit on by a pretty girl, who came over pretty much the moment he sat down.

Dean decides to give him some privacy and moves across the room where he quickly gets into a conversation with two hot girls himself. He keeps glancing over to the bar where Cas is sitting, to see how things are going for him. When the girl Cas has been talking with suddenly throws her drink in his face he is stunned with surprise for a moment.

Cas slowly turns around, obviously searching for him with a helpless look on his face. Without another word Dean leaves the girls, who are sitting at the table with him and goes over to Cas. Out of the corner of his eye he can see Cas' flirt partner talking to the barkeeper, a big guy, and Dean quickly grabs Cas' arm. It is time to leave now.

Outside he keeps walking until they are out of sight. Then he stops and turns to look at Cas. "So, you wanna tell me what happened in there?"

"I don't know," Cas answers and the look on his face says that he really doesn't. " She asked me if I wanted to get out of there and told me that she lived close by."

"Okay, that's great. What went wrong?" Dean wants to know. He has no idea what Cas could have said or done at that point to still screw things up.

"I told her it wasn't safe to invite strangers into her home. Not only does she not know what they might do, people could also think she was a whore," Cas explains. "Then she threw her drink at me."

Dean stares for a moment before starting to laugh so hard he has to press a hand against his stomach and put the other hand on Cas' shoulder to keep from doubling over.

"Oh, Cas. You don't tell these girls that. You just go with it and enjoy yourself," he gasps and keeps laughing as they walk back to their motel.

"Thanks for making me laugh though," he says once they are back in their room. "I haven't had this much fun in a while." Cas just gives him a smile, not quite sure how to respond to that but glad to see Dean so happy. As they go to bed, waiting to fall asleep, Dean thinks that he is actually glad that Cas didn't leave with the woman from the bar.

The ringing of his phone wakes Dean early the next morning. "Hello," he mumbles, rubbing his eyes and his face to wake up faster.

"Mornin'," Bobby grumbles. "Still in bed at this hour?"

Dean turns his head to look at the clock. "It's five am, Bobby."

"Well, I haven't been to bed at all yet. But I think I found you a new lead," Bobby replies and Dean is now wide awake. Bobby tells him what he found. That there seem to be several demons just a few towns away.

"Thanks, Bobby. We'll check it out right away. You should get some sleep now. I'll call you when we find something."

Dean then shakes Cas awake and explains the situation and only a few minutes later they are ready to leave. It's only a short ride and they decide to get to the town Bobby told them about first and eat breakfast there.

Once they arrive, Dean finds a somewhat concealed parking spot for the Impala. In case Sam is really here he doesn't want to tip him off that he's found him and maybe cause him to leave before he had a chance to talk to him. Then they walk around for a bit until they find a place to eat. When they are halfway through their pancakes and the eggs and bacon, Dean turns his head to look away from Cas, who is showing an expression of bliss as he is eating his pancakes with syrup. And just in that moment Dean can see his baby brother walking down the street, next to Ruby.


	9. Chapter 9

**At the moment my other story 'Prison Blues' is taking up most of my writing time but I will try and update this story at least once a week. I think so far I have managed to do that. I have it all planned out and there are still quite a few chapters to come. I hope you're all still enjoying this :)**

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><p>At the sight of his brother walking down the street with that demon, Dean drops his fork, which clatters loudly as it hits the tabletop and then continues to fall down onto the floor. Cas looks up from his blueberry pancakes at the sound and sees Dean getting out some money, dropping the bills on the table as he stands up to leave.<p>

Cas quickly stuffs some more of the delicious pancake in his mouth, before he hurries to follow Dean out of the restaurant. When finally his mouth is empty again, he asks Dean what happened to make him leave so suddenly and abandon his bacon.

"I just saw Sam. I want to follow him so we'll know where he's hiding and hopefully we can find out what that bitch he's with is up to," Dean explains.

They can just see Sam and Ruby turn a corner and follow them in a safe distance. The pair is quickly walking out of town to an abandoned house right outside the city limits, which has a Mustang parking in front of it. For a long time after Sam and Ruby disappear in the building nothing happens and they only hear an occasional scream of someone or something being tortured.

Dean uses this time, while they're not doing anything really, to call Bobby and tell him they found Sam. And also to tell him about his worries which he's been having for a while and which have been brought on again by the screams coming from inside the building.

"Hey, Bobby. It's me. We found Sam. And Ruby. But…but I'm not sure that man in there is even my brother anymore. Ruby twisted him almost beyond recognition. I don't know if there's anything left worth saving. I don't know if he ever was my brother," he tells the older hunter with a broken voice.

Cas is standing helplessly next to Dean, wanting to comfort him but not knowing how. He tried squeezing Dean's shoulder in a reassuring gesture, like he has watched other humans do. But Dean just flinched away from his touch and moved out of his reach. So now he is only watching his hunter talking on the phone, feeling so far away because he can't help Dean, despite being just a few feet away.

But Bobby knows exactly what to say to make Dean see reason again and tells him without pity.

"You stupid stupid son of a bitch! Well boo hoo. I am so sorry your feelings are hurt... princess! Are you under the impression that family's supposed to make you feel good? Make you an apple pie, maybe? They're supposed to make you miserable! That's why they're family."

After saying that Bobby hangs up and Dean stands there staring into the distance for a while, trying to get his thoughts in order. Cas tries touching his shoulder again and this time Dean lets him and Cas stands close, comforting Dean with his touch and his presence. They stay like that and wait for Sam and Ruby to show up again.

When they finally come back out of the house they are dragging a bound woman with them, who is begging them to let her go, begging for her life. She's telling them details about herself, that her name is Cindy for instance, and some things about her life and family, hoping for compassion but finding none.

Ruby opens the Mustang's trunk and Sam lifts the struggling and screaming woman in, locking her inside. Then he turns to face Ruby, an uncertain look on his face.

"Do we really need her? Won't your blood be enough?" he asks her but Ruby's face turns hard as she shakes her head. Dean can't hear what she's saying but whatever it is, it convinces Sam not to let the poor woman go and Sam lets her take his hand and kiss him briefly and together they turn back towards the building and go inside again.

Dean is shocked by what he has just witnessed. He can't believe his little brother would do something like that to an innocent woman. Okay, maybe she's possessed. It's likely she is possessed actually, but still, what Sam just did was just cruel and Dean immediately blames it all on Ruby. She corrupted Sam and is leading him down a path towards evil. But Dean will do what he can to stop her, now that Bobby forced him to see clearly again.

When he and Cas are sure that Sam and Ruby are inside and are not coming back out again, have not just gone to get something they forgot, the two men leave their hiding place and make for the car. The woman in the trunk is still screaming and probably will continue to until she's hoarse. But the car is muffling the sounds quite well and you can only hear her when you're really close.

Making sure there's no one watching from the abandoned house, Dean gets out his lock picking tools and quickly has the trunk open, clamping the woman's mouth shut with his hand as soon as he can.

"Shhh," he tells her, putting a finger across his lips to make it absolutely clear what he wants. "We're here to help you but you have to be quiet, okay?" he asks and as she nods he slowly removes his hand. She stays quiet and Castiel steps in front of the trunk, regarding her for a moment and the woman doesn't dare to move under the scrutiny of the two men.

"You think she's still possessed?" Dean asks and Castiel looks at him and nods.

"I think so. We'll know soon," he tells Dean and starts saying something in Enochian. He might have given up his Grace and lost his powers but he doesn't need those for an exorcism. As the words for the Enochian magic fall from his lips the woman first stares at him in confusion and fear and then starts to convulse.

Dean tries to say something, worried about the woman's well-being but Cas holds up his hand to silence him, without stopping the exorcism. And just a little bit later black smoke leaves the woman through her mouth and she falls onto her back, panting heavily.

"What the hell was that?" she asks slowly once she is breathing normally again. She sounds very scared but in a different way then when Sam and Ruby locked her in the trunk. This was a different thing, one she can't understand, one that doesn't make sense and it scares her more than anything else ever could. Dean knows this. He's seen it before and he wants to help her but not tell her what really just happened.

Cas has no such qualms and starts to talk about demons and Dean has to quickly jump in before Cas scares her even more than she already is. He isn't fast enough though and as she hears the word 'demon' her eyes widen in horror and she starts shaking and probably would have fled if she could have. Dean gives Cas a look to tell him to shut up and starts talking to the woman.

"Whatever it was, it's gone now, okay? For good. Cindy, that's your name, isn't it?" he asks and she nods her head, eying him suspiciously. "Look, Cindy. We're here to help you. But we need your help, too. Can you do that? Help us out? Then we will take you back home to your husband, I promise."

Cindy is still looking at him with wide eyes. "A demon?" she whispers.

"That is a long story," Dean quickly says before Cas can answer that. "Right now I need your help to save my brother. "

"O…okay. I'll help," she finally agrees and Dean smiles at her warmly.

"Thank you. Now, I need you to stay right here in this trunk a little bit longer. Can you do that for us?" he asks, knowing that really this is expecting too much from a terrified woman but he needs her to do this.

Cindy doesn't say anything in response but Dean can see the panic in her eyes. This is going to be difficult. But suddenly Cas reaches out for her and touches her cheek, following her movements as she tries to jerk away from the touch. But then Cas starts to sing in a quiet, low voice using strange words that might be Enochian or something else entirely. The song is beautiful beyond description and Cindy calms at once.

As the song continues Dean can feel himself calming as well and even though he knows that Cas has no powers anymore, the fallen angel must be working some kind of magic because Dean doesn't know how else to explain the effects of the music. Cindy is calm now, almost asleep actually she's so relaxed. And when Cas takes his hand away from her cheek she follows his movement to maintain contact for as long as possible, staring up at him with admiration shining clear in her eyes. Cas smiles and quietly tells her to lie down which she promptly does and he then closes the trunk with her inside.

Dean is watching Cas, still feeling at peace and safe and doesn't really remember why he is standing there until Cas touches his cheek. Dean immediately snaps out of his kind of trance and looks at Cas, surprised about what happened. Cas removes his hand again and just like Cindy, Dean doesn't want to lose the touch but unlike her he doesn't follow the hand as Cas takes it away from his cheek.

"She'll be quiet for a little while now but the effects of the spell will wear off soon. It's stronger for her though, because I touched her and directed the magic at her," Cas explains what he did and Dean just clears his throat audibly, not really knowing what to say.

"Let's go and get Sam," he finally manages and heads towards the building, Castiel trailing along beside him.

What he finds inside is not exactly what he expected. Though honestly he doesn't know what he expected but certainly not his brother and Ruby doing the nasty in the middle of the room on the dirty floor.

"Oh, gross," he says turning away immediately but the image of his brother's naked ass bobbing up and down above a moaning and writhing Ruby is forever seared into his mind now. He so didn't need to see that.

"Dean. What the fuck?" Sam pants without stopping what he's doing.

"Sam. We need to talk. It's important, life-or-death important. So, please…hurry. I'll wait outside," he says awkwardly and starts to walk away when he notices Castiel isn't with him, so he has to turn around to look for him.

Great, the ex-angel is staring at the coupling in front of him with apparently great interest, tilting his head as he watches. Without a word Dean grabs Cas' arm and drags him away to the door, shaking his head. Cas gives him a questioning look but Dean does not want to explain the situation and why they won't watch at the moment, or ever will.

"Dean," Sam calls when they are almost to the door. Apparently Dean's words about a life-or-death situation have finally penetrated the sex induced haze in his brain and registered as important.

"Don't you dare leave now," Ruby growls at Sam, her voice thick with lust and whatever she does to make Sam stay, draws a long and deep moan from his throat and the sound makes Dean only walk faster until he and Cas finally find themselves back outside. They sit down on a couple of rocks and wait until Sam and Ruby are done and join them outside.


	10. Chapter 10

**Ding-dong! The witch is dead!**

**Enjoy the chapter.**

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><p>Cas tries to talk to Dean about what just happened, what they just witnessed. He knows about sex of course but more as a theoretical construct. He has never seen the actual act up close like that and he has so many questions. Dean however just shifts uncomfortably and rubs his neck but refuses to answer and eventually Cas gives up. For the moment at least.<p>

"What do you want?" Sam asks in a hostile voice the moment he shoves open the door and steps outside, closely followed by Ruby.

"To talk to you. Without her." Dean tries to keep his voice calm, which takes a lot of willpower in Ruby's presence. The demon just glares at him and doesn't take one step away from Sam's side.

"I didn't think you'd ever want to talk to me again," Sam says, softer now. "But if it's about the blood then my answer hasn't changed. I can take Lilith, I know I can." Sam sounds pleading, he really wants his brother to understand. Ruby just smirks at Dean at Cas, certain that she has already won the fight for Sam's allegiance.

"You're still my brother, Sam," Dean tells him softly. "And some new information has come up. Something you need to know before you try to take down Lilith." Dean knows he has to be careful how he says things now. He only has one shot to convince Sam. If he doesn't succeed and Sam runs of with Ruby again he might not find them in time anymore. He has to do this right. Now.

"Sam, don't listen to him. He's just scared you'll steal his glory. You have to drain the demon now and then we have to go to the convent where Lilith will be," Ruby says and goes to the car and opens the trunk. The woman inside starts screaming the minute she sees her, Cas' magic having worn off by now.

Sam is obviously torn between his brother and the demon and stands there between them a little forlornly. Finally his trust in Ruby and what he himself thinks is right wins and he walks over to her. It hurts Dean to witness this. Sam choosing a demon over his brother again. He is ready to give up but Cas, who seems to know exactly what Dean is thinking, just squeezes his shoulder and gives him an encouraging smile and together they follow Sam to the car.

"Do it!" Ruby tells Sam and hands him a knife which he accepts hesitantly. Then he takes a step closer towards Cindy who has been reduced to a shivering, crying mess at the sight of the knife. She can't even scream anymore.

"Sam, stop," Dean yells and Sam turns around slowly with a look of determination on his face. He is dead set on doing what he thinks he must.

"She's a demon, Dean. She must die to give me strength." And he focuses his attention back on the poor woman in the trunk, who is now certain she won't get out of there alive and has started praying quietly under her breath.

"She's not possessed anymore," Dean tells him and this gives Sam pause.

"I exorcised the demon," Castiel adds in an attempt to help. But this statement only makes Ruby laugh.

"You? You don't have the juice anymore. Human," she hisses viciously. "Don't listen to them, Sam. Her blood is still what you need."

But Sam has picked up on the fact that Ruby called Cas a human and looks at Cas in confusion. "What does she mean? You're human?"

Castiel nods. "Yes, I fell to escape Zachariah and to help you and Dean to prevent Lucifer from walking free. But I still have all the knowledge I had as an angel. I might not be able to smite a demon anymore but that doesn't mean I can't use an Enochian exorcism on it." The last part is clearly directed at Ruby and an unspoken challenge hangs in the air. _Push me and I'll show you exactly how it works,_ are the words Cas left unspoken but which Ruby heard anyway.

Sam is confused now. He's standing over the woman with the knife in his hand and his gaze jumps from Ruby to Cas, then to Dean and at last back to Ruby. She nods encouragingly but Sam hesitates.

"Sam, he's bluffing," she tells him and laughs triumphantly when Cas starts the exorcism and nothing happens. "See? He can't exorcise me. Kill the girl. Her whining is getting on my nerves."

"Sam, no. She's not possessed. Look at her, she's praying," Dean implores and his brother looks at him doubtfully.

"It could be a trick." Sam still advances but he sounds very unsure now. Dean grabs his free hand and shoves a silver flask into it. Sam holds on to it out of reflex.

"Holy water," Dean says. "Try it first. Please."

Sam looks at the flask and then at the woman. He quickly unscrews the cap and splashes some water in her face. Nothing happens other than her stopping her prayer and looking very confused.

"How do you even know that that was holy water?" Ruby, who has stepped next to Sam, asks trying to poison his mind again.

"Let's find out," Sam answers calmly and before Ruby has a chance to comprehend the meaning of those words he splashes the water into her face. As she screams in sudden agony from the feeling of having acid dumped onto her, Sam deliberately empties the entire flask over her head and turns to Dean.

"I'm so sorry."

"I know. Let's talk about that later. Listen. Ruby is right, you could kill Lilith but you absolutely should not do that," Dean says, trying to explain the situation before Ruby recovers.

"But why? Lilith breaks the final seal," Sam says, not understanding what his brother is saying.

"No. Lilith IS the final seal. Her death will free Lucifer from his cage. The first demon shall be the last seal or some crap like that. Anyway, Ruby wants you to kill her because she wants to free Lucifer."

Dean waits anxiously for a response, reaction, anything from Sam. But his younger brother just stands there staring at him. He needs time to process what he just heard. Then he slowly turns to face Ruby who is just recovering from the holy water.

"Is he right? Have you been playing me all this time?" he asks in a dangerous voice and Ruby retreats from him and the menace in his scowl.

"Sam, baby, I have great plans for you. For us," she coos, neither denying nor confirming Dean's accusations. But it's enough for Sam. Her reaction tells him all he needs to know and he tries to render her immobile with the help of the demon blood, her blood, that is still in his system.

He achieves nothing much except to make her stumble slightly. "You don't think I taught you everything I know, do you? I know a few tricks and you're not strong enough to hurt me with the little blood I gave you."

And just to demonstrate her strength she flicks her wrist and Castiel goes flying several yards and crashes into the bushes he and Dean hid behind earlier.

"I used to be a witch. I have taken precautions. That's why your exorcism didn't work, fallen angel. You don't have the power it takes anymore," she yells in Castiel's direction, taunting him.

It makes Dean mad. He is worried that Cas got hurt. He is human now, breakable and he doesn't know how to deal with that. Neither Cas nor Dean do really. Cas doesn't get up from where he fell down and Dean is worried and mad as hell at the bitch who did that. He charges her but she easily stops him and he can't move another inch towards her, no matter how hard he tries.

Sam however she cannot stop and since his powers won't work on her he just punches her in the face, hard. This makes her lose concentration and she lets go of Dean, who quickly tries to get to her. Just before he reaches her she flings him sideways and he slams against the Mustang, the impact knocking all air out of his lungs.

Sam sees his brother hit the car and slide down to the ground not entirely conscious anymore. In that moment his concern for Dean takes over and he turns to him to see if he's alright and lets Ruby out of his sight. Stupid really but he didn't exactly think this through, he simply reacted.

Dean looks at him but doesn't seem to see him. His eyes are unfocused and Sam crouches down next to him. "Dean. Hey, dude, are you all right?" Dean doesn't answer but at least he's breathing.

"Sam, watch out. Behind you," a voice, Castiel's voice, yells and Sam turns just in time to block Ruby's attack with a knife.

"Bitch," he growls as he gets up and drives her back, away from Dean who thankfully is now slowly getting to his feet again. The rage fuels his powers and suddenly Ruby chokes and her hands fly to her throat, clawing at the invisible power holding her there. Her eyes go wide as she stares at Sam. The hunter just grins at her, a cruel smile, and turns her around so he stands behind her and grabs her arms holding her tight against his body.

Dean walks over to them holding the demon killing knife loosely in his hand and then presses it against her throat when he reaches her and Sam. Ruby closes her eyes, knowing she has lost, knowing she is going to die now. But Dean doesn't deliver the fatal slash with the knife, just holds it there.

"Hey, Cas," he calls over his shoulder. "You saved our asses just now. Do you want to do the honor and gank her?"

Cas has finally managed to extricate himself from the thorn bush he landed in and eagerly walks over to where Sam and Dean are holding Ruby. "I'd like that very much. Thank you, Dean," he says and takes the knife from Dean's hand, regarding first the knife and then Ruby for a long time. Then he lifts his arm, carefully takes aim and then plunges the knife in Ruby's chest, driving it slowly but surely right into her heart. Ruby gasps and convulses and then she goes limp. Sam lets her dead body fall to the ground and Dean bends to retrieve the knife from her.

"Good job, Cas," he says and smiles warmly at the ex-angel, who lights up at the praise from Dean.

Dean looks around them, at the dented car and the still crying woman in its trunk and at the dead body at their feet. "Let's clean up this mess. Poor Cindy," he says.

"I think we could use some help," Cas tells them. "And I know just who to call."


	11. Chapter 11

**I'm sorry that it took me a bit longer to update but I finally managed to and the chapter turned out to be longer than expected. Enjoy Dean being awesome :D**

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><p>"Balthazar!" Castiel calls, then tells the angel where exactly they are and he and Dean look around expectantly, while Sam looks a bit confused and Cindy still seems to be too scared to even scream. They wait for a moment but nothing happens.<p>

"Balthazar, get your feathery ass over here," Dean calls, having caught on to what Cas is thinking.

"Don't make me summon you," Cas warns and at those words there suddenly is a fluttering of wings and Balthazar appears.

"No need to get mean," he pouts. "Do you have any idea what you just interrupted?" Cas obviously doesn't but Dean thinks he knows from the smile that Balthazar has now. He doesn't say anything though because he doesn't want to hear the details.

"Oh, what did she do? Insult your dear car, Dean?" the angel mocks when he sees Ruby's body on the ground.

"She tried to use me to raise Lucifer," Sam tells him deadpan and Balthazar stops joking at once.

"Oh. Well, good job then," he says. "I suppose you need me to take care of the body?"

"Not really, no. Although now that you're here…" Dean answers and with a quick flick of his hand Balthazar makes the body disappear.

"There. Okay, what else do you need me for then?"

"We need you to hide Sam from all angels and demons like you hid us," Cas tells him and Balthazar nods, taking a step closer to Sam before recoiling from him.

"What are you? You smell like demon," he hisses full of disgust.

Sam looks shocked and downcast at Balthazar's words. Cas has never reacted to him like that although he did call him an abomination and warn Dean to stop him. Maybe Cas just was a little more subtle about his disgust with him.

"I've been drinking demon blood," Sam admits quietly. "It made me stronger, gave me certain psychic powers. But I think it also changed me and I'm afraid I'm addicted to it." He can't even look at the other three men any more and averts his eyes. He only looks up again when he feels Balthazar's hand on his chest.

There is a short burning in his ribs and he jerks away and sees Balthazar smiling. Then the angel moves closer again and presses to fingers to Sam's forehead, muttering under his breath. Sam's whole body is tingling for a moment, then Balthazar removes his fingers and goes to stand with Dean and Cas.

"What…what did you just do?" Sam asks trying to sense every small part of his body to figure out what Balthazar did to him.

"I burned some sigils into your ribs, so no angel or demon will be able to find you. I did the same to Dean and Cas. And I also purged your body of the foul blood and cured your addiction. Just don't ever drink that stuff again because I won't help you a second time," Balthazar explains and Sam gives him a grateful smile.

"Thanks. I won't touch it again, I promise," Sam tells him and the promise is as much to Balthazar as it is to himself and also to Cas and his brother.

"Will that be all?" Balthazar asks the three of them, ready to leave again. Cas is about to say yes but Dean stops him with a hand on his arm and Cas gives him a curious look.

"The woman. We need to take care of Cindy. Ruby and Sam were going to kill her and Sam was supposed to drink her blood when she was possessed. But Cas exorcised the demon and she deserves peace now. Can you do the same thing you did to the woman Zachariah took?" Dean asks and Balthazar sighs but goes to the car and offers Cindy a hand to help her out of the trunk.

"Hello, darling. Don't be afraid. I'll send you home now," he tells her gently and for some reason she seems to trust him and keeps a tight grip on his hand. Balthazar quickly touches her forehead and after a short moment Cindy is gone.

"She will wake up in her bed, thinking she stayed home from work with a stomach flu and she won't remember anything that happened here."

"Thanks, Balthazar," Cas tells him.

"Yeah, don't mention it," the angel tells him. "And please don't call again. Now, if you'll excuse me please? I have an orgy to attend and I hope they haven't started without me." He gives them all a smug grin and then, with the soft sound of wings, he is gone.

The three men stand there for a moment before they get into the Mustang to drive back into town to where Dean parked the Impala in the morning. Neither of them feels like walking right now. When they reach the car they quickly hide the Mustang and then leave the town in the Impala, just in case. All of them are tired after this day and it's getting late so they aren't going far, just far enough.

Just over an hour later Sam checks them in at a small motel in the middle of nowhere. Well, there are a few houses and shops and a bar and restaurant around but the town is so small you could walk from one end to the other in about five minutes. Dean and Cas wait for him by the car.

Sam returns with two keys. There's three of them in need of a bed now and he is certainly too big to share a bed. And he doesn't think Dean would want to share, so he rented a second room. He offers one key to Castiel but the fallen angel just looks at him questioningly with big blue eyes.

"You have your own room tonight. None of the rooms here have three beds, I asked," Sam explains and Cas slowly takes the key, holding on to it with his fingertips as if it was something disgusting. He doesn't seem to be happy about the prospect of sleeping alone. In fact he looks downright scared and Sam doesn't know what to do. He didn't mean to hurt or scare Cas. He thought he'd do him a favor actually.

Fortunately Dean notices the look on Cas' face and takes the key from him. No way he can resist those puppy-dog eyes. "Don't worry. We can talk about the sleeping arrangements later. Let's get inside first, okay?"

Castiel nods and relief is immediately visible on his face and in his posture. All three of them go inside and take a seat at the small table. Dean quickly checks himself for any injuries from hitting the car during the fight with Ruby but just as he suspected he only finds a few bruises. Sam is fine, too. After all Balthazar took care of anything that might have been wrong, other than the demon blood. He turns to Cas.

"Cas, are you alright? Any injuries from the fight today?" he asks. He can see a few scratches on Cas' cheek from his fall into the bush but it's nothing serious.

"I don't know. I haven't thought about it," Cas tells him and shrugs out of the trench coat he put on over the jeans and t-shirt Dean got for him somewhere along the way and which he put on this morning. He looks down at himself, running his hands along his sides and winces when he finds a deeper cut. He hadn't noticed it before and the dark fabric of his shirt disguised the blood well.

At his little pain sound Dean is immediately by his side, pushing his hand away from the wound and turning him towards the light with his chair so he can better examine the cut. He carefully pulls the fabric of the t-shirt away from Cas' skin, making him hiss in pain because the blood has already started to dry and the shirt is sticking to his skin and the wound.

"You need to take this off, so I can take a better look," Dean says and pushes the shirt up Cas' chest, while soothingly rubbing his thigh. Cas quickly obeys and takes the shirt off, showing some more bloody cuts and some bruises all over his upper body.

"Dude, that's gotta hurt like hell. You should have said something sooner, then we wouldn't have driven all the way out here," Dean tells him, shocked about the condition Cas is in.

"I didn't feel it before. But now, yes, it does hurt badly," Cas answers, unshed tears shining in his eyes. And Dean thinks that Cas was probably so full of adrenaline, not having any experience with fights as a human, that he might not have felt his injuries until he saw them just now.

"Shh, it's okay. I'll take care of you," Dean tells him and then looks up at the sound of a chair scraping across the floor. Sam has gotten up.

"I think I'll go for a walk, maybe get a drink. I need some time to think, clear my head, you know?" he says, also feeling that his brother might want some privacy.

Dean looks at him for a long moment, then nods. "Okay, but don't get into trouble," he tells him, the meaning being _'don't find any demons and drink their blood'_. Sam nods once and then he is out the door and Dean focuses his attention back on Cas.

"Do you hurt anywhere else, too?" he asks, looking over Cas' legs to see if there are traces of blood there anywhere.

"No," Cas tells him and Dean can't see anymore blood anywhere and believes him.

"Okay, I'm gonna have to clean the wounds. That might hurt a little but it's necessary, okay?" Dean tells Cas as he gets up from his crouch next to him to get some medical supplies. But Cas looks at him with so much fear and at the same time so much trust that Dean stops and quickly hugs the fallen angel. "You'll be alright. I'm here with you."

Then he goes to the bathroom to get a washcloth, wet with warm water, to wash away the dried blood. Cas winces a few times but it's not really that bad. The worst part is yet to come. Dean is only grateful that none of the cuts and scratches are deep enough to require stitches. He would hate to put Cas through that ordeal with nothing else but alcohol as an anesthetic. But disinfecting the wounds is bad enough and Cas keeps hissing and trying to move away from Dean. Dean keeps a firm hand on Cas' shoulder, holding him in his seat, while he constantly talks to him in a soothing voice, telling him how great he did today and that the pain will be gone soon.

Then finally he is done and applies some band aids to the bigger cuts and puts away his supplies. He gets his bottle of whiskey and pours a shot for him and Cas and they both drink in silence.

"Thanks, Dean," Cas says when the glasses are empty and then he goes to the bathroom to get ready for the night, just like Dean showed him. When he emerges a few minutes later and crawls into the nearest bed, Dean doesn't have the heart to tell him that Sam intended for him to go into the other room. Well, Sam isn't there, so it's his problem, because Dean isn't going to leave Cas alone tonight.

He quickly goes into the bathroom and showers off the dirt from the day and gets ready for bed himself. When he leaves the bathroom Cas is already asleep, looking peaceful and just like the angel he used to be. Dean stands next to his bed for a moment, just watching him sleep. Then he pulls the blanket up a little higher and softly kisses the top of Cas' head before he goes over to the other bed and falls asleep soon after.

Sam comes back an hour later to find both beds in the room occupied with sleeping bodies. With a quiet sigh he picks up the key to the other room and his things and writes a short note, so Dean won't worry in the morning. He should have known that Dean wouldn't leave Cas alone, not after the way he looked at him when he saw that Cas had gotten hurt.


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you all for reading and reviewing so far. **

**I enjoyed writing this chapter so I really hope you enjoy reading it, too. Some Dean and Cas, some Sam and Dean and a misunderstanding. You'll see. Enjoy.**

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><p>Dean wakes up in the middle of the night because he thinks he heard something. He sits up in bed, one hand reaching for the closest weapon. It isn't a conscious movement but something that has become automatic over the years and necessary for survival.<p>

But there is no threat there this night. Dean stays still and listens carefully, while his eyes adjust to the sparse light that is filtering through the gaps between the curtains from the neon sign outside. When he finally sees that there is no one else in the room but him and Cas, who is still asleep, he relaxes and lies back down, thinking that he must have dreamed the sound.

He closes his eyes to try and get some more sleep, when he hears it again. A low, quiet whimper. It comes from the other bed, where Cas is sleeping and apparently dreaming. Dean sits up again, watching the other man for a moment. There is another pitiful whimper that goes straight to Dean's heart and suddenly Cas' breathing speeds up as if he is terrified of something. The poor guy seems to be having a nightmare.

As Dean gets up off his bed to wake him, Cas starts shaking and thrashing on his own bed and Dean hurries over to him and shakes him awake. With a gasp Cas sits up suddenly and looks around wildly and wide eyed until he sees Dean.

"It's okay Cas. It was just a dream," he soothes, sitting down on the bed next to the fallen angel, a hand on Cas' arm until he calms down.

"I don't think I like sleeping very much, Dean," he says and Dean smiles at that.

"Yeah, nightmares suck. But dreams can also be very nice and fun. Just think of something that makes you happy and try to sleep some more, okay?" Dean encourages and Cas nods, trusting him. He smiles at a happy thought but it only last a moment. He is scared of another nightmare, Dean can tell.

Cas used to be an angel, one of the most powerful beings in the world and now he can't even control a dream and has to deal with all kinds of confusing feelings and experiences that come with being human. Being stuck in a nightmare must make him feel especially powerless and helpless and weak. That has to be a scary situation and makes for one fallen angel who is terrified of sleeping.

As he thinks about this, Dean knows he can't leave Cas alone with this. He gently pushes the man back down onto the mattress and settles down next to him on the bed himself, one hand resting on Cas' shoulder.

"Don't worry, I'll stay with you. Go back to sleep. I'll wake you if you have another nightmare," he promises.

"Thank you," Cas says and closes his eyes. He tries to think of something happy again and in his mind he sees Dean's face. Dean makes him happy. Soon his breathing evens and Dean watches him for a while, looking for signs of another bad dream but all remains calm. Eventually he falls asleep next to Cas, who has moved a little so that now he is pressed close against Dean, with Dean's arm thrown over his chest. That's how Sam finds them in the morning, when he comes to see what's taking his brother so long to get back on the road.

Sam stares for a moment and smiles. He hasn't expected this but as long as Dean is cool with it so is he. And Dean looks definitely peaceful and relaxed and so does Cas for that matter. Sam watches a few more seconds, trying to decide what to do. Finally he quietly goes back outside and loudly knocks on the door, calling, "Dean, are you up yet? We need to get going."

"Yeah, we're up," Dean calls back, sounding sleepy. A moment later he opens the door to let his brother inside.

"Just give us a few minutes to shower and get dressed," he says and the brothers sit down at the table. Cas is already in the bathroom and Sam keeps watching Dean, looking for signs of…something. But Dean is just like always and Sam doesn't dare broach the subject of him and Cas in bed together.

Dean just keeps talking about how they need to stop Lilith but not kill her. "It's not fair, dammit. I really wanted to gank that bitch," he complains but Sam doesn't react to that at all, which makes him stop.

"Sam, you with me?" he asks, snapping his fingers in front his brother's face to make Sam look at him.

"What? Sorry Dean, I…what were you saying?" Sam clearly has not been listening to one word Dean said.

"That we need to get to Bobby's and plan how to not kill Lilith. Maybe you should go get some food so we can leave right away, since you're not listening to anything I'm saying anyway," Dean tells his younger brother, throwing the keys to the Impala in his direction and almost hitting him in the forehead with them. Sam still hasn't really been paying attention and just barely manages to catch them before they connect with his head but the necessary backwards movement makes him fall over with his chair.

He hits the ground with an undignified grunt. "You did that on purpose," he accuses.

"No I didn't. Stop acting like a girl and get going. I'm hungry," Dean replies.

"Jerk," Sam snaps as he gets up.

"Bitch," Dean shoots back, shaking his head at his brother.

Sam is tempted to keep bickering with Dean but at that moment Cas comes out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around him. That seems like a good time to leave the room and Sam quickly does just that, now happy to get food and take his time with it. Dean just shakes his head again. Sometimes he doesn't know what the hell Sammy is thinking.

"What is Sam doing?" Cas wants to know as he gets some clothes out of his bag.

"He's getting breakfast," Dean explains and walks towards the open bathroom door. When he turns to close the door he catches a glimpse of Cas' backside as the ex-angel drops the towel to get dressed. With a sigh he leans heavily against the, now closed, bathroom door. That is a sight he hasn't expected to see and even less to enjoy as much as he did. Well, it will be a cold shower then this morning, he decides and tries to ignore that it is Cas' naked ass that gave him the hard on this morning. Not some dream about a hot stripper or two.

He takes his time in the bathroom to shove all thoughts and images of Cas' naked body, which his brain so kindly keeps bringing up, to the back of his mind. When he's finally done, Sam is back and breakfast is on the table. Dean sits down with the other two men, certain that some coffee and some food will help. Nothing you think or do without having had coffee in the morning really counts, he decides.

Breakfast is quick and quiet and soon they are all in the Impala and on their way to Bobby's. Sam already called ahead. He wanted to tell Bobby that Ruby is dead and that he is very sorry for going so far off the rail but that he's back now and ready to stop the devil from rising.

Cas is in the backseat, which made Sam wonder at first but he shrugged it off and enjoys riding shotgun as always. About an hour into the drive Cas falls asleep, softly snoring in the back of the car. Apparently the night was harder for him than Dean thought. Sam has his own thoughts on the subject but he doesn't want to explore them too much. Instead he takes this chance to talk to Dean.

"Dean, I'm really sorry man. I never wanted for any of that to happen. I don't know what got into me," he starts to apologize.

"I do. Ruby got into you," Dean replies sharply.

"Yes, you're right. I just…I really thought she wanted to help me. Us."

"She was a demon, Sam. A freakin' hell spawn. You can never trust them, okay?"

"I know that now. It won't ever happen again," Sam promises.

"Good," is all Dean answers.

"Dean, I mean it. I'm sorry."

"I know you are. And I forgive you. I'm glad I found you before it was too late and that you listened to me when it mattered. But you chose a demon over me. Your brother. Do you know what that felt like? You trusted that bitch more than me. Now I don't know if I can trust you, you know? It's gonna take some time, Sam. But I forgive you."

"Thanks, Dean," Sam says with a small smile. It's a start. His brother forgives him and he will earn his trust again. And now they're on their way to find a way to stop Lilith and her crazy plan to free Lucifer.

There is no more talking for the rest of the drive. Cas sleeps the entire time, even when Dean turns on the music and plays Metallica way louder than necessary. At least that's what Sam thinks. But he doesn't say anything and just stares out the window, lost in thoughts. When they finally arrive at Bobby's a few hours later the older hunter is already impatiently waiting for them. He has been very busy and has a lot to tell them.


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you all for your support. Sorry it took a while to update. I was very busy lately and Bobby was causing me some trouble. But I managed to finally get the chapter done and I hope you'll enjoy it.**

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><p>"What took you so long? Did you stop to pick flowers on the way?" Bobby greets them gruffly and goes into his study ahead of the three men, not waiting for them to follow.<p>

He is already sitting behind the desk when Sam, Dean and Cas finally trudge into the study and sit down, facing him. It has been a long drive and the search for Sam and the following fight with Ruby have been physically and emotionally exhausting.

Bobby waits until he has all their attention, no matter how annoyed he was with their late arrival. He doesn't want to say everything two or three times, so he waits until they all look at him, ready to listen.

"So, what we need is a way to stop Lilith without killing her," Bobby starts.

"Why can't we kill her? From what Ruby said I understand that we just can't kill her at St. Mary's Convent. But other than that we should be clear and we'd be better off with her dead and gone," Sam disagrees enthusiastically.

"Do you know that for sure?" Bobby challenges and Sam's face falls. Of course he can't trust anything Ruby has told him but after believing in her for so long it is hard for him to remember her betrayal when he just wants to push it to the back of his mind.

"And even if you are right. How would we find her? The only place we know where she'll be is the convent," Bobby continues, adding a low, "idjit," and Sam doesn't say anything else.

"Or do you know anything else about that?" Bobby asks, turning to Castiel, who shakes his head.

"No, I wasn't high enough in the chain of command. And Zachariah never really trusted me with any more than what I strictly needed to know," the fallen angel explains and there is a sadness in his voice that makes Dean briefly rub Cas' back. The man has given up so much, Dean can only hope that they'll succeed in stopping Lucifer, so Cas' fall wasn't for nothing.

"So, what do you suggest?" Dean asks. "You have an idea already, don't you?"

Bobby looks at them, regarding all three of them for a moment with an unreadable face before he sighs. "Alright, I do have a plan. Won't be easy though."

"It never is," Dean comments and Sam and Bobby nod.

"Finding her will be the easy part. We already know where she'll be," Bobby starts to explain.

"The convent," Cas says.

"Yes, the convent. We'll have to capture her there and trap her somewhere where she can't be found. She can never be freed again."

Bobby stops as he sees only dumbstruck faces staring back at him.

"How in the hell are we supposed to do that?" Dean asks incredulously. He knows Bobby is right, that there is no way they can be sure that Lucifer will stay locked in his cage with Lilith still in freedom. But he has absolutely no idea how to achieve that. He looks at his brother but Sam just shakes his head. He has no idea either.

Only Cas doesn't seem to be bothered by this seemingly crazy idea. He keeps looking straight ahead at Bobby, his face emotionless and not betraying any of his thoughts. Sometimes this infuriates Dean. How can Cas stay so damn calm in a situation like this. He looks at the fallen angel but Cas doesn't react to him. He waits until the brothers are ready to listen again.

"I believe Bobby has a plan for this problem, too, already," he finally says, earning a nod and a smile from Bobby.

"Yes, I do," Bobby confirms and reaches into a drawer and pulls out a photograph and slides it across his desk towards the three men. Dean immediately reaches for it and regards it for a moment before laughing and handing it to Cas, who is sitting next to him.

"Bobby, you are awesome," Dean says sincerely, while Cas looks at the picture and then passes it on to Sam without a comment. Sam accepts it and smiles after studying it for a moment.

"I agree with Dean. You are awesome, Bobby," Sam says and puts the picture back down on Bobby's desk.

The picture shows a part of Bobby's scrap yard, a part that is almost completely surrounded by stacked old cars. In the center there is a huge hole and on the ground of the hole a devil's trap is visible. A big lid is standing next to the trap, leaning against a stack of cars and there is also a devil's trap painted onto it.

"It's similar to my panic room. I just changed the design a bit so it will keep a demon in and once it's closed it will also keep other demons out and prevent them from opening it. Now we just need to get Lilith inside," Bobby explains his plan.

"That should work. Once she stops breaking seals, they will start to rebuild themselves. If we can catch her and take her here," Cas tells them.

"That will be our job. Come on, lets get some rest. We'll need to be on the road again early in the morning. It's a long drive to Maryland," Dean says and gets up to set up his sleeping place in Bobby's living room. Sam can take the room he always uses when they are at Bobby's and Cas can take the couch. Dean is willing to sleep on the floor.

"So, we know where to find Lilith. But how will we get her here? It's not like we can ask her and she'll just say 'okay' and get in the car with us," Sam calls after him.

"My baby has a roomy trunk with a lovely design. She won't be able to resist that," Dean answers, grinning and continues to make his bed.

Sam sighs and gets up, too. "Because getting her in there will be the easy part," he mutters as he walks past Dean and goes upstairs, determined to use the night to figure out a plan. He doesn't necessarily need to sleep this night because Dean will be driving most of the way, which means Sam can sleep in the car. He can stay awake and wait for a stroke of genius, so hopefully they won't just go to Maryland to get their asses kicked.

"Well, I'm gonna turn in, too. I'm gonna have to finish the trap while you get Lilith and make sure that it'll last," Bobby says and heads upstairs as well, leaving Dean and Cas alone.

Cas is still sitting at Bobby's desk when Dean is done preparing his bed. He doesn't seem to know what to do and it looks like he is ready to just sit in the chair and sleep right there. Dean walks up to him and throws a blanket at him, which Cas awkwardly catches.

"You can sleep on the couch," he says and walks away to lie down and sleep.

He closes his eyes but is still awake, listening to the sounds Cas makes as he prepares the couch and tries to get comfortable on it. Then everything is quiet but Dean can tell from Cas' breathing that the ex-angel is not asleep yet.

"Cas?" he asks quietly.

"Yes, Dean," comes the answer just as quietly.

"You said the seals will rebuild themselves when Lilith stops breaking new ones."

"Yes. When she doesn't achieve her goal in a certain time frame the seals will come into existence again and Lilith will have to start over, should she ever get the chance again," Cas explains.

"How long until all the seals are sealed again?"

"Sixty-six years. After sixty-six years all the seals will be back in place," Cas says.

"Figures. Would sixty-six days have been too much to ask?" Dean grumbles, more to himself than to Cas.

"There are ways to speed up the process," Cas tells him after a moment of silence, which almost made Dean think Cas had already fallen asleep. Dean sits up in surprise and turns his head towards Cas, even though he can't see anything in the darkness of the room.

"Seriously? What do we need to do?" Dean asks enthusiastically.

"I don't know. But I will ask Balthazar. He might know or at least know who to ask," Cas promises and goes quiet.

Dean figures that Cas is probably praying to Balthazar and with a little hope for a better and safer future, should they succeed with Lilith, Dean falls asleep.

Cas is indeed praying to Balthazar, silently pleading with his brother to help them once again. He knows that Balthazar wants no part in this fight, that that is the reason why he left heaven. But it also cannot be in Balthazar's interest to have Lucifer wreak havoc on the planet he has chosen as his playground.

When Cas has finished his prayer he falls asleep and dreams about that meadow in heaven where he and Balthazar performed the spell that let him fall. And he isn't alone. Balthazar is there, too, and it is not a dream image. He has heard Cas' prayer and has decided to visit Cas in a dream. Cas doesn't mind. It is safer for both of them.

"Hello brother. How does it feel to be human?"

"Uncomfortable but not unpleasant," Cas replied vaguely. He doesn't really want to talk about this. He hasn't actually really given this topic much thought because he knows he would miss being an angel and find too many disadvantages with being a mere, weak human.

"What do you want?" Balthazar asks, thankfully getting right to the point.

"I need to know how to fix the broken seals," Cas tells him and Balthazar nods.

"You need miracles. I can't be more specific than that. It's all I know."

"But you could find out more," Cas says with a determination he doesn't really feel.

Balthazar looks at him, studies him and finally nods again. "I could," he agrees. "And I will. Under one condition."

Of course, Cas thinks. There are always conditions involved with Balthazar. "What condition is that?"

"You fix the first seal. When that is done I will help you," Balthazar says smugly.

"But…" Cas tries to protest but Balthazar cuts him off.

"No buts. It is the only thing I know that will fix a seal. And you know it, too. So do it. I will help you and find out more but this you can do on your own." He vanishes right after he says this, leaving Cas alone in his dream to contemplate Balthazar's words.


	14. Chapter 14

**Sorry for the long wait. I was really busy lately and didn't have much time to write. But finally there is another update. Thank you all for your feedback, you guys are awesome. I hope you enjoy the new chapter.**

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><p>It is not going to be easy, Castiel is sure of that. He knows Balthazar is serious though and he knows his brother is right. The only trouble is that fixing the first seal is not solely up to him. He will need Dean's help doing that and that is going to be the hard part. He'll need to be smart about the subject but for the moment he has no idea how or where to start.<p>

He doesn't sleep very well after Balthazar's visit. He's worrying so much that he keeps tossing and turning and muttering in his sleep. But since he is sleeping on the couch, which is considerably less wide than the beds he is used to from the motels, he eventually turns over too far and falls off the couch with a crash. The noise wakes both him and Dean.

"Cas?" Dean is immediately wide awake and on his feet.

"Mmhmm," Cas groans, not fully awake yet. "I'm okay," he adds when Dean holds out his hand to help him up and they both sit down on the couch.

"What happened? Did you have another nightmare?" Dean asks, concerned about his friend.

"No, no. The couch is just too small," Cas tells him, hoping that Dean will buy this explanation, which he does for the moment.

"Maybe you should sleep on the floor with me then. That way you can't fall down again," Dean suggests and somehow hopes that Cas will agree. Not only because Dean doesn't want to be woken again by another fall but also because it feels nice to have Cas close. Not that he will tell him that but that's how it is.

"Yes, I think I should," Cas says and Dean gets up and grabs the sheets from the couch and places them on the floor next to where he has been sleeping. They both settle down on the floor next to each other and try to find some more sleep before they'll have to be on the road again to stop Lilith.

"I talked to Balthazar. He came to see me in a dream. He said we need miracles to repair the broken seals," Cas whispers right before Dean falls asleep.

"That's all he said? Where the hell are we gonna find ourselves a miracle?" Dean asks exasperated.

"I don't know. Balthazar promised to look into it. He'll be back to help. I just thought you wanted to know what he said."

"Yeah, I did. Well, I guess we'll have to wait then. Good night, Cas," Dean answers and unconsciously snuggled closer to Cas as he falls asleep.

"Good night, Dean," Cas whispers back, thinking that maybe his task of fixing the first seal will be easier as he thought. Feeling Dean so close to him makes him feel like anything is possible.

The next morning Dean wakes up before everybody else and decides to let Castiel sleep a little longer and be the first to take a shower. When he is done Cas is up, too, and so is Bobby. They are in the kitchen where Bobby shows Cas how to make breakfast. Cas is trying to fry eggs, but he isn't very practiced yet and they end up having scrambled eggs instead. Which is fine with Dean, as long as there is bacon. Luckily Bobby is taking care of the bacon after having watched Cas with the eggs, sending him into the bathroom while he and Dean finish cooking.

Cas doesn't take long and lets Bobby then show him how to make coffee. He is very curious about all those things and Dean realizes that they mostly eat in diners and Cas hasn't had much opportunity to see someone cooking yet. He leaves Cas and Bobby to it and goes into the living room to put away the sheets and blankets they used the night before. Sam comes downstairs, his hair still dripping, just when Dean is done and breakfast is on the table.

"I smell coffee," he says with a yawn and sits down at the table.

"I made the coffee. And the eggs," Cas tells him proudly. Sam only nods and pours some coffee. Dean puts some slices of bread in the toaster and smiles about Cas' being so happy about such a small thing while his back is turned to the rest of them.

They all eat quickly and quietly, anxious to get on the road and hunt Lilith. After breakfast they leave immediately and Bobby doesn't really mind. He needs some time to finish building the trap for Lilith and it will easier without having the boys, who still have issues to work out and a fallen angel, who is trying to learn how to be a human, around.

Sam chooses to sit in the back, because there he can stretch out his long legs a little bit and get some sleep. He stayed up most of the night, trying to figure out a way to capture Lilith without his powers and without killing her. So far he only has a few vague ideas, which he is not going to talk about until he is sure that at least one of them is going to work. He will do more research before they arrive at the convent. He is certain that he will find an answer and with this thought he falls asleep.

Dean and Cas are quiet, both lost in their own thoughts. Dean doesn't even turn on the radio, his mind is so preoccupied with what lies ahead and also with what he feels for the man sitting next to him. There is a certain attraction there, he cannot deny it. It feels good being close to him but Dean doesn't really know what to make of those feelings yet. Maybe he is just worried about Cas and wants to help him adjust like he'd help an old friend or a brother.

As an angel Cas was always so distant though there was a connection between them. It was there even before they met face to face for the first time but Dean never allowed himself to analyze it. In the beginning Cas had seemed cold and indifferent to Dean's problems, to humanity's problems. But that changed and he became someone Dean thought he could rely on for help. That's why he kept calling for Cas after his disappearance. And since the angel fell for him things have become even more complicated and at the same time so much easier. If Dean was only brave enough to admit his own feelings to himself.

But he isn't ready for that yet and just reaches for the radio to finally turn on some loud music to stop his brain from thinking too much, when he sees something on the road in front of him and slams his foot on the brake. Cas is startled out of his own thoughts, which were again about Dean and about what Balthazar told him to do but he still hasn't reached a conclusion. He looks at the hunter next to him for a moment in confusion before he follows Dean's stare and sees why they had to stop so suddenly.

"What the hell, dude?" comes Sam's voice from the backseat. Sam has almost fallen off the seat from the sudden stop and is not happy that his sleep has been interrupted so violently.

"Roadblock," Dean explains, without taking his eyes off the obstacle a few yards ahead. Sam sits up so he can see what is going on for himself. They are in the middle of nowhere and the road in front of them has been blocked with cars and some decent sized boulders. A small group of people is standing in front of the blockade and they may not be armed with anything more dangerous than a pitchfork but they look anything but friendly.

"Demons," Castiel growls, his voice even lower than usual and full of disdain. "They probably know what we're up to and they want to stop us."

"Can you exorcise them?" Dean asks as he checks his weapon.

"I think so. They don't appear to be very powerful. But I can't get all of them at once," Castiel answers and Dean nods.

"That's good enough. Me and Sam have your back. You have the knife, Sam?"

"Of course," Sam answers after checking that the knife really is tucked into the waistband of his jeans.

All three of them get out of the car slowly and walk towards the group of demons blocking the road. The demons, too, move and advance on the three of them. Only a few stay behind to guard the roadblock. Then a group of three demons suddenly charges them and Dean quickly stops the first one with a round of rock salt in the chest. Before he can take aim again the other two demons are there and Dean has to try to get one of them off Cas so he can do the exorcism, while Sam is fighting the other.

The next group of demons is more careful after having witnessed what happened to their fellows. They use their powers and manage to slow the hunters down but in the end they are no match for the Winchester brothers and an ex-angel. When the three men reach the blockade there are only a few confused humans and an equal amount of dead bodies left on the street.

Cas feels a pang of guilt when he looks at the dead people but he knows they had no other choice or they would be the ones lying there on the cold road. And at least he could exorcise about half of the demons and save the lives of the people they had possessed.

Dean is talking to the people who have no idea how they got there, while Sam is moving the bodies away. Cas can hear Dean talking about a 'chemical spill'.

"It's been taken care of now but it caused some severe hallucinations. That's probably the reason why you have no idea how you got here and what you were doing."

Cas can only shake his head at Dean's imagination and his ability to make up some story that people actually believe. Then he decides to help Sam get rid of the bodies and of the boulders that are blocking the road. When the road is free again Dean tells the people to take the cars from the roadblock and go back home, which they do without another question.

The three hunters go back to the Impala and drive away quickly. They decide to not stop in the next town but to put some distance between them and this place.

"Those demons were pretty easy to deal with," Dean says and Sam and Castiel agree.

"They must have been pretty low-ranking. The next ones will probably be more powerful. We should be prepared for similar situations," Castiel thinks out loud.

"Let's just hope they'll leave us alone for today," Dean mutters and it seems like they are actually in luck for a change. They make it to a small motel a few towns away without another incident but they take one room for all three of them, just to be safe.


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you all for reviewing and alerting, it means a lot to me. Finally another chapter, which I hope you'll enjoy.**

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><p>After checking into the room they go out to find a place to eat. Fighting the demons earlier has made all of them hungry and the motel manager suggested a diner, which indeed serves excellent food. They enjoy their meal but they don't stay out late. It has been a long day out on the road and the next day won't be any different. They all need their sleep, especially Dean, who's doing almost all the driving.<p>

Back at the room Dean decides to sleep on the couch. There is no way Sam's long legs will fit on it anyway and he doesn't want to make Cas sleep on the uncomfortable thing. The guy has been through enough already, at least he deserves a comfortable sleeping place. Neither Cas nor Sam question the sleeping arrangements and pretty soon the room is dark and quiet and all three men are fast asleep.

Muffled groans of pain wake Dean in the middle of the night. They come from the beds, both of them. He is immediately awake and turns on the light to see both Sam and Cas writhing in pain on their beds, their eyes and mouths wide open, yet no scream can be heard. Both are drenched in what seems to be sweat mixed with blood and Dean knows that whatever it is that is happening to them, is going to kill them if he can't stop it.

He does some quick thinking, trying to figure out what the reason for their condition could be and why only the two of them are affected, while he himself is fine. The best explanation he can come up with is that there is at least one witch involved and he immediately drops to his knees between the bad and searches underneath them for hex bags. He doesn't need to look long. The little bags are not very well hidden and Dean quickly retrieves them from their little hiding spaces and lights them on fire, dropping the burning things in the metal trash can.

As soon as the bags are destroyed Sam and Cas calm down and both are breathing heavily but no longer in pain. Sam recovers first and immediately goes into the bathroom to take a shower to wash away the sweat and the blood. Cas needs a little longer and Dean sits down on his bed next to him and holds him close to soothe him. Pain is still something the fallen angel has trouble dealing with and he needs a while to recover from it, not having built up a tolerance yet.

Dean strokes his damp hair until Cas' breathing slows down and when he starts shaking from the cooling sweat on his skin Dean pulls the blanket over him. When Sam comes out of the bathroom Dean helps Cas get up so he can go and take a shower, too.

"Are you going to be okay in there?" Dean asks concerned when he sees how unsteady the ex-angel still is on his feet.

"Yes, Dean. Thank you. I feel much better already," Cas replies weakly and carefully makes his way to the bathroom. Dean watches him until the door closes and then turns to face Sam.

"Are you okay?" he asks his brother but he can tell that Sam is in fact okay.

"Yeah, don't worry. They need more than a few hex bags if they want to get rid of us," he answers. "Good thing they didn't put one under the couch though," he admits.

"Yes, very good," Dean agrees. "I wonder…" he starts and then stops talking when they hear a crash coming from the bathroom.

"Cas?" Dean calls out but doesn't get an answer. In an instant he is at the bathroom door and knocks loudly. Still there is no answer and Dean doesn't wait any longer and rushes in to find the naked fallen angel on the floor of the shower stall. He isn't unconscious but too weak to stand on his own and the water is still running. Dean reaches inside the shower and turns off the water, then wraps a towel around Cas and helps him up.

He is grateful that apparently at least Cas managed to wash himself before he collapsed. Now he can concentrate on covering the man up without looking but he can't help to risk a glance. He is glad that Cas is still pretty out of it and doesn't notice where exactly Dean's eyes travel, completely on their own accord of course, and that he is blushing when he realizes what he is doing.

"Come on, Cas. Let's get you out of here," Dean quickly says and wraps the towel securely around Cas' hips before getting another one to dry his upper body. Then he helps Cas back to his bed where Cas lies down and closes his eyes. Dean puts the blanket back over him and lets him rest.

"Thanks Dean," Cas whispers and Dean pats his shoulder and Cas quickly falls back asleep.

"What the hell is going on here?" Dean then asks his brother.

"They know what we're up to and are trying to stop us," Sam tells him and Dean rolls his eyes because he knows that and that wasn't his question. "The question is though, how did they find us? Twice in one day even though we're supposed to be hidden from all angels and demons?"

"I don't know," Dean says thoughtfully. "I guess the roadblock could be explained because they know where we're going but the hex bags?"

"They would only know which road to block if they knew where we were coming from," Sam muses.

"Well, that's not really too hard to guess. Everyone who knows us a little would know about Bobby and guess we were coming from there," Dean tells him. "It would have been easy to…" He stops as he has a thought and suddenly leaves the room leaving a puzzled Sam behind.

After a few minutes Dean returns, looking triumphant. He opens his hand and shows Sam a small electronic device. "Is this…a bug?" Sam asks.

"I'm pretty sure it is some kind of tracking device. I was underneath the Impala. They didn't even need to follow us. They always knew exactly where we were. But not anymore." Dean drops the little electronic tracker and steps on it, crushing it beyond recognition.

"We should probably leave now. Before they try something else," Sam says.

"Don't you think we should find those sons of bitches who did this to us and gank them?" Dean asks but Sam shakes his head.

"Dean, they must have been here while we were at the diner. That was hours ago. They are long gone because with the tracking device they had no reason to stick around. It'd take too long to find them and Lilith is more important at the moment."

Slowly Dean nods, realizing that his brother is right and Sam immediately starts packing their things. Dean grabs some clothes for Cas and shakes him awake. Cas opens his eyes and looks directly at Dean. For a moment they just stare at each other, each lost in his thoughts, then Dean hands him the clothes.

"Here, get dressed. We need to leave. Are you feeling better?"

"Yes, I think I do. Thanks," Cas answers and starts to pull on the clothes and Dean turns away to give him some privacy. When he is done they go outside where Sam has already finished loading everything in the car and has also already paid for the room.

Cas is still pretty unsteady on his feet but he is looking stronger than earlier. Resting, even if it was just for a short time, really helped but as soon as he is in the car he lies down again and closes his eyes. He's asleep before they even leave the parking lot.

"Why did it affect him so much more than you?" Dean asks and Sam shrugs. He doesn't really know.

"Could be many reasons. Maybe it's because he was an angel. Maybe that somehow makes him susceptible for spells. Or maybe I was less affected because of the demon blood. Or it could be because I'm more used to getting hurt. If Cas stays with us he'll get used to it, too, and deal with situations like that better. I don't know."

Dean nods. "Okay, well, I guess we just have to accept that that's the way it is and make sure he doesn't get hurt too much."

"You sound like his mother," Sam teases and earns a dark look from Dean.

"That can't be because you are the girl here," Dean tells him and Sam turns away from him.

"Jerk," he says, looking out the window.

"Bitch," Dean replies automatically.

They drive on in silence. It is still dark outside and there are no other cars on the road and Dean makes good time. Sam falls asleep soon after they stop talking and Dean drives on into the morning, getting ever closer to Lilith.

Dean chooses to drive another, less direct route to Ilchester and there are no more demon attacks on the way. He stops for gas and food a few times and even lets Sam drive for a while so he can get some rest. Cas wakes up a few hours into the drive and is back to his normal self, which is a great relief to both Sam and Dean.

Just before they reach Ilchester, Cas suddenly calls out, "Stop!" and the sound of his voice makes Dean step on the break immediately.

"What is it Cas?" he asks, turning in his seat to look into the terrified face of the fallen angel.

"Angels. Well, at least one, I can feel it," Cas explains.

"You can feel it? How?" Sam asks curiously and Cas shrugs.

"I don't know. I didn't think this would be possible anymore but somehow I know that there are angels waiting for us. They want to stop us."

"We need a plan then. Could Balthazar help us?" Dean wants to know but Cas shakes his head.

"He could but I don't think he'd come. It would be a suicide mission. We need to think of something else."

They find a place to hide the car outside the town at an abandoned house and use the house as their base. Then they do the first thing they can think of while in trouble and call Bobby who promises to look into it and get back to them with possibilities.

Then Cas and Dean go for a walk through the woods, trying to get closer to the convent to see who is waiting there to stop them and how many angels came. Cas is certain that they will be safe because Balthazar hid them from other angels, though Dean can tell he is nervous because he can feel their presence.

Sam stays behind to do some research of his own and to stay in contact with Bobby. They all hope that they can find a solution for this problem, which they hadn't anticipated. Demons they can deal with but angels are a little bit more difficult.

Dean and Cas actually manage to get close enough to the convent to see what is going on there, without being noticed. They find a good hiding spot and watch the entrance for long time, seeing no one for a while. They have no idea if Lilith is there yet but they are sure that she will arrive very soon.

Dean is disappointed that no one is there but Cas assures him that he can feel the presence of an angel close by and so they wait until finally a man comes into view, walking towards the entrance and stopping right in front of it.

"Raphael," Cas whispers as he recognizes the angel. "This is really bad news."


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you all for reading and reviewing. That always makes my day. We're slowly approaching the end of the story now but there is still a little more to come. So I hope you'll enjoy this chapter and keep reading.**

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><p>"Raphael?" Dean whispers back but Cas quickly puts a finger across Dean's lips to shush him. Quietly they crawl away from the convent to return to Sam. They found out what they came to see and now it's time to make a plan as to how to deal with this situation.<p>

"Okay, so who is that dick Raphael?" Dean asks as soon as they are back in the abandoned house.

"Raphael?" Sam asks worried, looking up at them as he clearly recognizes the name. That leaves only Dean in the dark and he's getting impatient to hear who they are dealing with.

"He's an archangel," Cas explains. "Very powerful. He's actually the one tethered to Chuck the prophet. You remember what happened when you brought Chuck into the same room as Lilith? And that was only the beginning."

"Then what is he doing here? Shouldn't he be torturing Chuck with new, gruesome visions?" Dean asks.

"I guess this mission is more important. He will stop us if we try to catch Lilith and if we do nothing then he'll probably kill her and break the final seal himself. We need to do something soon."

"Great. He couldn't be just a happy little cherub or something equally harmless. No, he has to be one of the fiercest weapons of heaven. How are we ever going to get past him?" Dean says, feeling lost and overwhelmed at that moment.

This is so big, too big for them. It's the freaking apocalypse and every time they think they have the slightest chance of stopping it, a new and bigger problem appears. They are only one small group of fucked-up humans, each of them dealing with their own problems, which seem petty compared to the end of the world. But they don't make things exactly easier.

"I will have to face him," Cas says, stopping Dean's descend into a full-blown depression, or a psychotic break. Either option would make sense at the moment. But Cas offering to face an archangel alone brings him back to the problem at hand.

"That's a suicide mission, Cas. You can't do that," Dean tells him and Cas smiles at his concern but doesn't change his mind.

"Not necessarily. I have an idea." And he tells the brothers his idea about carving the angel banishing sigil into his own chest to get rid of Raphael, at least long enough for them to deal with Lilith. Dean doesn't like the idea and isn't convinced that it'll work but Sam believes it will and so does Cas, which means Dean is outnumbered. Grudgingly he agrees that they should try that, especially since it is the only thing they can come up with and Cas promises him that he'll be fine.

This leaves them with only one other problem, one they have known about for a while but haven't yet been able to solve. How are they going to actually capture Lilith to take her to Bobby's? Thankfully Bobby calls at that moment with an idea. He talks to Sam and Sam listens carefully, taking notes, before telling Bobby about Cas' plan to get rid of Raphael and apparently Bobby seems to approve.

"Okay Bobby. Let's hope it'll work because it's the best we've got. Thanks for your help," Sam says and ends the call. He turns around to face Dean and Cas to tell them what he learned from Bobby.

"So, Bobby thinks we should pretend to go with the original plan. Ruby's plan. Which means, when Cas has gotten rid of Raphael I go inside to face Lilith and the two of you will stay out of sight. She needs to believe that everything is going the way it's supposed to and then we trap her," Sam says and explains the rest of the plan with the help of his notes and some drawings.

They spend the rest of the day perfecting their plan and preparing what they can. Dean spends a lot of time drawing. He has to put the necessary symbols on the Impala's trunk to keep Lilith trapped in it once they have her and Cas teaches him to draw the banishing sigil and makes him do it over and over. It makes sense though because Dean will be the one cutting the symbols into Cas' skin and Cas wants to make sure Dean will get it right on the first try.

When everything is done and they all know their parts in the plan they finally go to bed, trying to get a few hours of sleep before this huge task. Sam falls asleep first, his breathing evening out almost as soon as his head hits the pillow. Dean sighs softly, wishing he could fall asleep as easily. But, even though he would never admit it out loud, he is worrying too much about the next day and his brain just won't shut down.

But he isn't the only sleepless person in the room. He can hear Cas moving around on his mattress, trying to get comfortable and it doesn't really help Dean falling asleep at all. He keeps trying for another half hour but he can tell Cas is still awake, too and he sits up and looks over at Cas. The moonlight filtering in through the dirty window is bright enough for him to see everything and somehow Cas seems to feel that Dean is watching him because he sits up, too and looks straight at Dean.

"Can't sleep?" Dean asks quietly so he won't wake Sam and Cas shakes his head.

"Yeah, me neither," Dean says and sighs. They really need some rest.

"I think I'm afraid," Cas says quietly, not entirely sure if that is the right word to describe how he feels. "We're going against the plan of both Heaven and Hell tomorrow. It's dangerous. You could get hurt. I don't want you to get hurt and I worry because I can't help you like I could as an angel."

His voice is so low that Dean isn't sure Cas really said what he thinks he heard. But the way Cas is staring at him, Dean feels that more than sees it, just seems to underline his words and he realizes that Cas is really, genuinely worried about him. Without really thinking about what he's doing he gets up and walks over to Cas, nudging his shoulder to make him move over a bit on the mattress, before sliding under the blanket next to him. They both need a little comfort tonight.

Cas looks at him, his eyes wide in surprise. He starts to say something but Dean just shushes him. "Sssh, just try to sleep, okay?" he whispers and Cas nods and lies back down.

The mattress isn't really made to accommodate two grown men and it forces them to be really close to each other, almost cuddling and Dean really does throw an arm over Cas' body but only because he has nowhere else to put it. At least that's what he tells himself. He feels Cas slowly relax next to him and finally the fallen angel is sleeping. The soft breathing and the even rise and fall of his chest eventually lull Dean into sleep as well and even though there isn't much room on the mattress he sleeps very well next to Cas.

"Good morning," Sam shouts as he opens the front door, letting the sunlight hit the two sleeping men, waking them up. Dean immediately sits up, while Cas pulls the blanket up over his head to shield his eyes from the light.

"So, did I miss something last night?" Sam asks teasingly and tosses a bag of food at Dean to avoid his brother's death glare.

"Well, whatever pills you popped last night that made you go out like a light, you didn't share with us, so we had to resort to a different method," Dean answers and pulls the blanket away from Cas so he'll get up and eat something.

Sam doesn't answer. He just sits down with his coffee and starts eating and Dean unpacks the food and shares it with Cas before they both get up to sit at the table with Sam. After breakfast Sam makes them go over every detail of the plan again and when he is satisfied that everyone of them knows what they have to do, he leaves the house to make his way to the convent through the woods. They don't want to arrive together, just in case there is a problem. Or more than one. So Sam walks there, while Dean and Cas take the Impala, trying to get it as close to the convent as possible.

When Sam is gone, Cas takes of his shirt and Dean starts to carve the sigil onto his chest. He hates doing it because he can tell how much it hurts, even though Cas tries very hard to stay still and quiet. But he can't prevent the occasional hiss of pain when it stings too much and Dean pauses then, giving Cas some time recover.

It feels like an eternity even though it just takes a few minutes to finish the sigil and then they have to wait for the blood to dry before Cas can put on a shirt. Bloodstains on the fabric might give the plan away. Finally they are ready to go and Dean hands Cas a razorblade which he can easily hide in his hand and use it to cut his palm for fresh blood to activate the sigil when it's time. They get into the car and drive to the convent in silence. Dean stops out of sight and looks at Cas for a moment, thinking he should do or say something just in case he won't see Cas again.

But the moment passes and Cas opens the door and gets out of the car, giving Dean a reassuring smile before he walks up the road to face Raphael. Dean can't help himself and gets out, too, as soon as he can't see Cas anymore. He follows him slowly, hiding behind some bushes when he can see Cas walking up to Raphael, who is waiting for him with a smug smile on his face. Dean creeps closer until he can hear what is being said.

"Castiel. I wasn't sure whether you'd be here or not. Where are your two little pets?" Raphael sneers.

"I came alone," Castiel answers evenly.

"Did you now. Do you want to repent for your sins and return to your brothers?" Raphael asks and it sounds almost sincere but Dean and Cas both know it's bullshit. Even if Cas wanted to return to Heaven his dick brothers wouldn't let him.

"No. Actually I'm here to send you back to where you came from," Cas says casually and in one fluid motion rips open his shirt while at the same time pressing the blade in his other hand into his palm to draw blood. Raphael pales when he sees the sigil on Cas' chest but has no chance to do anything, before Cas opens his bleeding fist to drop the blade and slam his palm onto the sigil on his chest.

"No," Raphael yells but it is too late and he vanishes in a glare of bright light and when Dean opens his eyes again he can see that Cas is standing in front of the convent all by himself.


	17. Chapter 17

**Hi everyone, sorry for the longer wait. I actually had this chapter done a few days ago but I was without internet. But here it is and I hope you enjoy it.**

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><p>Sam must have been close by, too, and watched the whole thing because as soon as Raphael has vanished he steps out oft he bushes behind Cas and quickly walks to the front door of the convent. He nods once at Cas and then disappears inside. Dean is still watching from his hiding place and he realizes he has no reason stay hidden any longer, so he steps out onto the road to congratulate Cas on his victory over the archangel.<p>

"Cas," he calls and the fallen angel looks at him, surprised to see him there and not waiting in the Impala for Cas. "It worked. Cas, that was amazing."

Cas smiles as Dean walks towards him. He's glad that he could help, that even as a mere human he can be useful to the Winchesters and Dean's praise means more to him than anything else. But suddenly, as he watches Dean, he feels strange, weak and dizzy and he can just see Dean's smile transform into worry and that he starts to run towards him. Then everything goes black.

"Cas!" Dean yells and starts running when suddenly Cas sways where he's standing. But he isn't fast enough and is still a few steps away when Cas' eyes roll back into his head and he crashes to the ground, unconscious. Dean drops to his knees by Cas' side and shakes him, trying to wake him up but to no avail. Cas stays motionless and he looks terrible, the blood smeared on his chest and hand stands out starkly against his white skin.

Finally he has to give up because he can't leave Sam alone with Lilith for too long. He quickly runs back down the road to where he left the car and drives it up to the convent. Then he drags Cas' body over and gently positions him on the backseat, so he'll be safe until he and Sam come back. He carefully covers Cas' upper body with his jacket and then shuts the door. He feels bad for leaving him alone out here in the car but there is nothing else he can do and he needs to stick to their plan and help Sam, before Lilith figures out what is really going on.

With one last look back to Castiel he finally goes to the convent and quietly steps through the door, carefully closing it again behind him. He doesn't go to the main room just yet. He has something else to do. He gets the thick pen out of his pocket and goes through the hallways, stopping every now and then to draw a few symbols on the windows and walls, making sure Lilith won't be able to leave her meat suit, should she want to do that.

Once he has made sure the convent has been turned into a demon trap, he goes to find the altar room where Sam is hopefully stalling Lilith at the moment. Quickly but quietly he walks down the long, dark hallway leading to the altar room and through the open door he can see Sammy, standing unmoving in the middle of a pentagram which looks like it has been drawn with blood. And as Dean gets closer he can see that Sam's arm has been cut, telling him that the pentagram has indeed been drawn with blood, Sam's blood.

Lilith is circling Sam, looking sexy and innocent in her white dress, and she gives him seductive looks as her fingers trail across his chest. Sam must be somehow paralyzed by her powers because all he moves while she walks around him is his head, which he turns to keep her in his sight.

"Sammy," she breathes into his ear. "So good of you to drop by. A little boring though, I must say. I expected you to put up more of a fight than you did. But it doesn't matter now. You're here to welcome my father back into this world." She smiles at him and resumes her walking and sees Dean. Still smiling she lazily waves her hand and the door closes, just as Dean reaches it, and won't open again.

"Fuck!" he yells, while he's violently pulling and kicking at the door, which just won't move. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" His yells accentuate each kick. He's really only venting his frustration now, knowing his tries are futile. He can hear Lilith's laughter through the door and he can only hope that Sam has a plan.

Since there is nothing else he can do at the moment Dean eventually calms down again and listens to what is going on, on the other side of the door. Apparently nothing has happened while Dean was busy abusing the door because Sam only now answers to Lilith's earlier remark.

"This is pretty unspectacular so far. How are you going to free Lucifer?" Sam asks her in a tone, which clearly says that he knows something she doesn't yet know.

"What are you saying? That I can't free him?" she demands and Sam laughs bitterly before he answers.

"No, not at all. I just wonder if you are ready to pay the price," he tells her and apparently it makes her angry.

"What price? I have to break the final seal. Tell me what you know," she says and Sam doesn't seem to answer quickly enough because Dean can hear him groan in pain and Lilith yells, "Speak!"

"Lilith, you _are_ the final seal. Your death will free Lucifer. Are you ready to die?" Sam answers and suddenly it is absolutely quiet in the room.

To Dean's surprise the door in front of him opens a crack and he quickly takes a step towards it and pushes through to see Sam kneeling on the floor, released from Lilith's power. Lilith is standing with her back against the altar, staring at Sam, her eyes wide in shock.

"This can't be such a big surprise. You told me before that you had a feeling you weren't going to survive this. Well, it's true. The angels know it, too and they want the apocalypse to happen. If you don't kill yourself, someone else is going to do it," Sam tells her and she slowly pushes herself away from the altar and stands up straight, lifting her face towards the ceiling and opening her mouth.

"It won't work," Dean informs her after a few seconds, when she stops drying to leave her host and looks at the Winchesters.

"You!" she yells and flings Dean across the room, sending him crashing into the wall behind him. Furiously she walks towards him, making him fly into the wall again when Dean tries to get up after his hard landing. She is so focused on hurting and possibly killing Dean that she doesn't pay any attention to Sam at all.

Sam quickly reaches into his pocket and gets out a small bag filled with herbs, which he empties on the altar. With his blood he draws a circle around the pile, lets a drop of blood fall on top of it and then lights the mixture on fire, while muttering some strange words. When the herbs are gone, Dean suddenly falls to the ground, released from the power with which Lilith had grabbed him by the throat and pushed him against the wall to choke him.

"Just in time," Dean croaks as he pushes himself upright again, a hand rubbing his abused throat. Lilith stares at her hands, not yet understanding what is going on.

"It's my specialty," Sam answers, relieved that the spell worked. "Come on, Dean. We have five minutes before her powers return."

"That is plenty of time," Dean grins and slowly approaches Lilith who backs away from him until Sam's broad chest stops her. Sam grabs her shoulders and turns her around and Dean takes her arms and pulls them back so he can tie her wrists together.

"Oh, I've been waiting to do this for a long time," Dean whispers into her ear when he's done.

"I bet you have you kinky bastard," she hisses at him.

Dean doesn't reply and just yanks her forward and escorts her outside, together with Sam. They have absolutely no problem to get her to the car and push her into the trunk, which has been prepared with a devil's trap to keep her there for the entire ride back to Bobby's. They close the lid and lean against the car for a moment to really let the success sink in.

"Where's Cas?" Sam suddenly asks, only now noticing the absence of the ex-angel and the question makes Dean rush to the side of the car and open the backdoor. Cas is still there and still not awake it seems.

"I guess sending Raphael away like he did, took a lot of energy. He fainted just after you went into the convent so I put him on the backseat," Dean explains, shaking Cas gently to see if he'll get a reaction but Cas still doesn't wake up. He does grumble in his sleep and swat at Dean's hand though and Dean laughs, taking it as a good sign.

"He probably just needs some more rest. Come on, get in the car. I'm ready to see this place shrinking to nothing in my rearview mirror," he adds and Sam nods in agreement and walks around the Impala to the passenger door and gets in. It's probably a good idea for them to get as far away as they can soon, before someone else decides to check in on Lucifer and realizes the Winchesters have taken the key.


	18. Chapter 18

**This is a little shorter than the other chapters but I really wanted to update and not keep you waiting much longer. And the end seemed like a good point to stop. Should you find more mistakes than usual blame the wine, not me ;). Enjoy the chapter.**

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><p>They decide that it's safer to keep driving until they have reached Bobby's and not stop anywhere for the night. Even though Lilith is trapped inside the trunk, stranger things have happened to them than a demon disappearing from a devil's trap.<p>

Dean takes the first shift of driving, while Sam and Cas are sleeping. After a few hours Cas finally wakes up for a short moment and tells Dean that he is fine, just tired. Then he goes straight back to sleep and Dean continues driving after muttering a small curse. It would have been nice to talk to Cas for a bit because with Sam sleeping he can't turn on any music and the drive is a little boring.

Usually he wouldn't care about whether Sam wants to sleep or not but since his brother is supposed to drive his baby when Dean needs sleep, he wants Sam well rested and alert. The silence is making him tired though and he only lasts another hour before he stops the car and wakes Sam. After a short break, which Sam needs to get a coffee and wake up properly, they continue their journey.

Dean has decided that sleeping will be more comfortable in the backseat, so while Sam got his coffee, Dean has settled next to Cas, who has opened his eyes briefly but closed them again almost immediately and falls asleep again with a smile on his face. Sam is a little surprised to see Dean in the backseat but he doesn't question his brother's decision and just gets in the car to drive.

Dean falls asleep soon after and without noticing slides into a more horizontal position until his upper body is resting against Cas. Cas shifts underneath him and without really waking up, finds a more comfortable position for them both, which includes putting an arm across Dean's shoulder to hold him closer. And Dean moves with him and unconsciously snuggles even more into Cas' side.

A few hours later Dean wakes up when Sam stops the car. He doesn't open his eyes immediately, he is so comfortable where he is that he wants to enjoy that feeling for a little bit longer. But Sam won't let him.

"Dean, wake up. It's time for breakfast and then you need drive again. I need a break," he says and slams the car door behind him as he gets out to get food for all three of them.

Slowly Dean opens his eyes and the first thing he sees are deep blue eyes and a shock of dark hair right above him. Apparently Cas has been awake for a while already and tried not to move to let Dean sleep.

"Hi," he mutters, still sleepy and moves to sit up. But something is making moving his arms difficult and it takes some struggling for him to sort out all his limbs. But when he is finally sitting he knows what restricted his movement. Cas' old trench coat has fallen off his shoulders and is draped across his lap now. The ex-angel must have tucked the coat tightly around him for some reason.

"You were shivering and I thought maybe you were cold," Cas explains when he notices Dean staring at the coat in confusion.

"I guess I was. Thanks Cas. That was really thoughtful of you," Dean says and the smile he gets from Cas in return is more effective in waking him up than the sun that is just rising above the horizon outside. Suddenly both of them realize how close they still are to each other and Dean's vision seems to narrow and all he can see is Cas. He can't move though and doesn't want to and Cas doesn't move either. He's just as transfixed as Dean and all they do is staring into each others' eyes, unconsciously leaning closer to the other.

They are so close that their noses are almost touching and Dean has to smile a little when he sees that Cas closes his eyes in anticipation of the now inevitable. Their first kiss. Dean can't believe that this doesn't scare him and doesn't send him scrambling out of the car and across the parking lot of this fast food place they're at. Instead he can feel his heart beating faster and he feels a fluttering sensation in his stomach, something he hasn't felt before a kiss in a long, long time.

Time seems to slow down between them and Dean holds the small distance between them, wanting to savor the moment a little longer, this tingling sensation of anticipation before their lips touch for the first time. He is just about to close his eyes, too, and close the distance between them when he sees Sam leaving the restaurant with several bags of food and he remembers where exactly he is. Immediately he pulls back with a slight gasp that makes Cas open his eyes again. The fallen angel looks hurt for a moment until he turns around and spots Sam.

"Sam, what did you get us?" Dean calls out, opening the car door and getting out to meet his brother. He feels a bit bad about just leaving Cas like that. Feels like a coward for pulling away at the last moment but he wants this to be private. The first kiss between them, should he ever get a chance again, should be private and not interrupted by his moose of a brother.

"I have coffee for the two of you and something drowned in salt and grease that calls itself food for breakfast," Sam tells him with a slightly disgusted look on his face as he hands a bag to Dean and another to Cas, who has by now left the car and joined the brothers outside.

"No salad or fruit?" Dean asks, surprised to see that Sam has the same food as him.

"They didn't have any. This was the best I could do," Sam says and his face shows barely contained revulsion as he takes his first bite.

"Why did you get any for yourself when you hate it so much?" Cas asks curiously and eats his breakfast without finding anything wrong with it. And neither does Dean, who is already almost done with his food.

"I'm starving. I just need something, anything in my stomach right now," Sam explains and Cas accepts it with a shrug as he finishes his own food and sips his coffee.

"Okay, Sam you can finish on the road. Let's get going again. Just warn me if you're going to puke. I don't want any of that shit in my baby. Brother or not, I'd have to kill you if you ruin the upholstery," Dean warns and Sam nods.

"Good to know where your priorities lie," he replies sarcastically and gets in the backseat while Cas takes shotgun.

Dean pulls out of the lot as soon as Sam closes his door. It's not far to Bobby's anymore and he can't wait to get the evil bitch Lilith out of his trunk and lock her up for good. And then maybe he can have some time alone with Cas to find out whether this nervousness will come back a second time. He knows they have had plenty of opportunities already but the timing has not been right yet. But at least the idea of starting something with Cas doesn't scare him anymore he realizes, pleasantly surprised.

He looks over at Cas, who turns and smiles warmly at him and he finds that he can't wait to reach Bobby's.

"Let's end this apocalypse threat, once and for all," Dean says and Cas nods.

"Yes, let's do that," he agrees. Sam doesn't say anything, he's already asleep again, his half-eaten breakfast wrapped in its bag on the floor beside him.

"And then I can show you what it means to be human, when you don't have to save the world," Dean adds and at the same time wonders what exactly he will show Cas. There isn't much that he knows about being human without having to prevent the end of the world. But maybe they can find out together.


	19. Chapter 19

**We're almost at the end now. Thank you all for reading and reviewing this story so far and I hope you will like this long chapter. Lots of Destiel loving, you have been warned ;). There will be one more chapter after this one. Enjoy.**

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><p>A few hours after their short breakfast stop they finally reach Bobby's and the older hunter is already waiting for them on his porch, having heard the distinct rumbling of the Impala's engine.<p>

"A call would have been nice," he greets them as they all climb out of the car and stretch after the long drive.

"Don't tell me you've been worried, Bobby," Dean says lightly to hide the guilt Bobby's words cause. They really should have called him and told him that things went well and they were coming back.

"Sorry, Bobby," Sam says meekly.

"Idjits," Bobby mutters and then heads for the door to his house. "Come on in. You're probably hungry and you'll need your strength, so you can help me finish that damn trap today."

They all follow Bobby to his kitchen and help him make some burgers, well, except for Sam who gathers everything green in Bobby's kitchen to make a salad. Cas watches everything with great interest and helps where he can. He is excited like a child when Dean takes his hands and shows him how to form the perfect burger from the raw hamburger meat. Whether the smile on his face is due to the fact that he can help make the food or because Dean is using this as an excuse to be close to him isn't quite clear but it doesn't really matter anyway. Dean likes seeing Cas happy like this and them making burgers together feels so normal and domestic. It's nice.

When the food is ready and they're all sitting around the table to eat, Dean somehow ends up sitting closer to Cas than usually. Sam gives him a look but Dean glares back, daring him to say something and getting his ass kicked as a reward and Sam just shrugs and concentrates on spearing a piece of lettuce with his fork. Bobby doesn't seem to notice anything out of the ordinary at all and they all eat quietly.

After a moment Dean gets bolder and moves his leg so its touching Cas' leg. He has no idea what is suddenly the matter with him. Must be the happiness about just averting the apocalypse and the knowledge about it being a very close call. Whatever it is, he suddenly realized that the time he has with Cas might be shorter than he thinks and even though as a hunter he never expected to die of old age, suddenly all the time he could ever spend with Cas will never be enough and he has to make the most of it.

Cas looks at him in surprise but Dean smiles and rubs his leg with his foot. The shoe is making this not quite as good as he had imagined but Cas understands it's not an accident and returns the smile and presses his leg against Dean's.

When they're done eating, Bobby immediately makes them go outside to help him work on the trap. Although Bobby is already pretty far, there is still a lot of work to do to finish the lining. They want to make sure Lilith is absolutely secure and cannot be reached by any supernatural creature, so they pour a salt lining in between the two parts of the wall, leaving just a small opening so they can get Lilith inside before closing the circle.

It takes a lot longer than they all expected and when the sun sets they are mostly done but not quite. It's too dark to finish the work at night and they are all exhausted. Bobby from working on the trap for days and Sam, Dean and Cas from all the driving and fighting and now the physical work. So they decide to finish the trap in the morning and park the Impala with Lilith inside in a shed, which gets a giant devil's trap painted on the ground, as well as angel-repelling Enochian sigils around it. Dean and Cas take this job. Dean wants to make sure that his baby really is safe and Cas knows the sigils best and is least likely to make a mistake with them.

When they return to the house Sam and Bobby are apparently both already asleep and Dean drags Cas upstairs with him, leading him into the empty room, where they'll spend the night. He is not sleeping alone and anyway he has almost gotten used to sleeping right next to Cas.

"You can shower first. I'll make the bed," Dean says and Cas quickly grabs his things and goes to the bathroom. Soon Dean can faintly hear the water running and allows himself a moment to imagine Cas' naked body in the shower with the water running down his chest and his back, down to his butt and his legs. Dean can feel his dick give a twitch at these thoughts and quickly presses the heel of his hand against his crotch before he gets the sheets and blankets and spreads them on the bed for the night, his dick still half-hard the whole time.

When Cas returns, Dean has prepared everything for the night and he has also regained some of his self-control, which is tested to the extreme when he looks at Cas who is standing in the doorway with his hair still dripping and wearing nothing but boxer shorts. Dean feels like he could jump the guy there and then but he is still rational enough to realize that after that long day and working on the trap with Bobby, he desperately needs a shower because he is too filthy and would soil the bed with dirt and paint. He wouldn't mind soiling the bed in a different way though but that will have to wait, should it ever happen at all.

In the shower he is sorely tempted to touch his aching dick but somehow he resists. Partly because he still isn't sure that he is alright with getting off by thinking about another dude and partly because in a very small corner of his mind he hopes that maybe something can happen with Cas that night and he doesn't want to spoil the fun. So he turns the shower to cold until he feels that he can safely return to the room, in which Cas is probably asleep already.

Dean is surprised when he sees Cas sitting up in bed, looking at him as he enters the room and closes the door behind him. Cas is still not wearing any more clothes than earlier and Dean only has a towel wrapped around him because he was sure that Cas would be asleep by now. The way Cas' eyes travel over his body and stop at his midsection, as if he can see through the thick cloth of the towel, make Dean suddenly feel very naked and nervous but he can also feel the arousal coming back. Maybe he will get lucky tonight after all and it doesn't matter at all anymore that Cas is a dude.

"I thought you would be asleep by now," he says a little unsure of what to do right that moment.

"I slept enough during the drive, I'm fine," Cas says casually. "And I was waiting for you."

"Oh," Dean answers, grabbing his towel a little tighter, not moving from his spot otherwise.

"Are you just going to stand there or are you going to join me in bed?" Cas asks amused by Dean's reaction and this unusual cheekiness finally gets through to Dean and he slowly moves to the bed and sits down on the edge.

Cas gives him a warm smile. The ex-angel has been waiting for this moment, all the time a little insecure about how to go about this without pushing Dean away. But the almost kiss they shared in the car helped him make up his mind and made him realize that Dean wants this as much as he does, even though Dean might not be as ready to admit it. But they are behind closed doors now and the rest of the house's occupants are asleep, so there is nothing to stop them now.

Dean seems to come to the same conclusion because they both move at the same time and their lips meet in a first and careful kiss. It's like they are testing this, to see how the other will react. After a few seconds they pull back and look at each other before the desire grows unbearably strong and they grab each other to be closer together and their lips collide in a much more passionate kiss.

Cas moans into the kiss and Dean takes his chance to slip his tongue in Cas' mouth and he can feel the fallen angel tense in surprise at the sensation but it's just a short moment. Cas catches on quickly and massages Dean's tongue with his own, melting against his hunter.

And then they're lying on the bed facing each other, kissing as if their lives depend on it. Cas is still covered with the blanket but Dean, who is lying on top of the blanket, is completely naked now, having lost the towel somehow without really noticing it. Cas hasn't really noticed either but now his hand is trailing down the side of Dean's body and when he doesn't meet any cloth but just smooth, bare skin he breaks their kiss and props himself up on an elbow to look at Dean.

"What…?" Dean starts to ask as he follows Cas' gaze but when he sees what Cas is looking at, he closes his mouth, unable to say more because he can almost feel Cas' gaze on him. And after a moment Cas is not only looking anymore. He's too curious to keep his hands off Dean's toned body and pushes the hunter onto his back to explore it some more.

Carefully his hands slide over Dean's chest, tracing the ridges of muscles on his stomach and then travel lower and lower until they reach Dean's dick, which has been hard again since he entered the room and found Cas awake. It's obvious that Cas doesn't really know what to do as he tentatively touches Dean's erection and Dean is quick to help him, wrapping his hand around Cas' and starting to stroke it up and down his length.

Soon he's breathing hard and moaning when Cas gets a bit bolder and squeezes a bit tighter or strokes a bit faster and he has to still Cas' hand because he doesn't want to come so early. He really wants to take his time and thoroughly enjoy what will be his first time with Cas and Cas' first time ever.

"Wait," he says and kisses Cas who looks a little disappointed about being interrupted. "We have all night. Let me take care of you, too."

And he pulls back the blanket that covers Castiel and now he is the one to let his hands wander and explore Cas' body, following with his mouth to lick and kiss the nipple his fingers just teased and to dip his tongue into Cas' belly button as his fingers slide under the waistband of Cas' shorts.

"Dean," Cas sighs and Dean looks at him, worried that Cas might have changed his mind but Cas lies there with his eyes half-closed and fixed on Dean and an expression of pleasure on his face. Dean smiles and returns his attention to the skin underneath his fingers and he gently strokes the shorts off Cas' hips, always following with lips and tongue. He only sits up shortly to remove the clothing from around Cas' legs and then settles between them and regards the erect cock in front of him, wondering what to do next.

The decision isn't difficult, he wants to touch it and so he does, drawing a long, low moan from Cas, followed by a gaps as he lowers his mouth to the cock and licks a wet stripe along the underside of the shaft. When he reaches the tip he circles the head with his tongue before lowering his head and taking first the tip and then part of the shaft in his mouth, sucking gently. He's never done this before but he knows what to do.

And the sight of Cas, writhing in pleasure under him is exhilarating, so slowly he moves down even further, trying to swallow all of Cas. He has to place his hands on Cas' hips to keep him from bucking up into his mouth and the power he has over Cas just now is like a rush. But he doesn't let Cas finish yet. He has other plans and lifts himself off Cas, crawling up his body to kiss him again, hardly giving Cas the time to catch his breath.

Cas is holding on to Dean like he would fall if he let go and he kisses him for all he's worth. For never having kissed anyone before, he is amazing, Dean thinks. He seems to be a fast learner, which is something Dean intends to find out very soon.

While they kiss his hand slides down along Cas' body until it settles between his legs. For a moment he massages Cas' balls before his fingers move further down until they ghost over Cas' hole. Cas spreads his legs some more to give Dean better access and Dean rubs his finger across the tight muscle a few times before he pushes himself off Cas and gets off the bed.

Cas sits up immediately. "Where are you going?" he says in a voice that is still breathless but conveys insecurity and the fear of having done something wrong.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm just getting some lube. I don't want to hurt you," Dean answers and Cas relaxes visibly at that answer and now he can enjoy the view of Dean's backside as he squats on the floor, searching his bag. It doesn't take him long to find what he's looking for and a moment later he's back on the bed, kneeling between Cas' open legs and pouring some lube on his fingers.

"Tell me when it hurts, okay," Dean says and Cas nods and tries to relax. He wants this, has wanted this since he fell for Dean but now he is a bit nervous. He trusts Dean though and everything Dean has done so far has felt amazing and he knows Dean would never hurt him on purpose so he nods again but still involuntarily clenches his muscles when he feels Dean's cold and lubed finger at his entrance.

"Sssh, relax," Dean soothes and runs his fingers across the tight hole, slowly pushing one finger inside, when Cas relaxes again. He takes his time before he adds another finger and eventually a third and soon Cas is moaning in pleasure again, his nervousness completely forgotten.

When Dean feels like he has properly prepared Cas, he pulls his fingers out, earning a sound of protest, not quite a word, from Cas. He chuckles softly and quickly rolls a condom on, adding some more lube to his dick and gets himself into position. Carefully he presses his tip against Cas' entrance and he slides in quite easily. Slowly but steadily he pushes forward until he is fully sheathed inside Cas' tight heat. He holds still for a moment, giving Cas the chance to adjust to his size but Cas is impatient and starts to wriggle his hips, trying to get Dean to move.

The feeling of being inside Cas is so overwhelming that Dean fears he's not going to last long and he starts moving, slowly at first but soon picking up the pace because Cas is urging him to. They are both breathing hard and moaning and when Dean can feel his pleasure nearing the peak, he reaches between them to stroke Cas' cock and make them both come at the same time, which doesn't quite work out that way. But when Cas comes with a loud cry of pleasure and the waves of his orgasm roll through his body, he soon takes Dean over the edge with him and moments later Dean collapses on top of Cas who's breathing hard and Dean quickly rolls off his lover, because he's afraid of smothering him.

He discards the condom and then settles down close to Cas, pulling the blanket over them. Cas turns a little to look at him and kiss him long and gentle. They are both exhausted but sated and happy.

"I had no idea what I was missing as an angel," Cas whispers and Dean smiles.

"You'll never have to miss it again," he promises and Cas smiles back at him, his eyes closing already. He throws an arm over his hunter and snuggles closer, falling asleep right after. Dean stays awake a little longer, looking at the wonderful man next to him and stroking his hair for a while, before he falls asleep as well.


	20. Chapter 20

**Last chapter. Thank you all so much for reading and supporting this story to this point. I might write a sequel to this one day, about restoring the seals but at the moment I have no ideas, so this part ends here. Enjoy the chapter and Merry Christmas.**

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><p>The fluttering of wings wakes Dean the next morning. There's an angel in the room and even without opening his eyes, he is pretty sure knows who it is.<p>

"Rise and shine," Balthazar says cheerily and Dean groans. He was right.

"Go away," he mutters but Balthazar just laughs.

"Get up or I'll make you. And I don't think you'd like that," he says with a smirk and Dean opens his eyes to glare at him. Finally Castiel wakes up, too and notices their visitor.

"Balthazar. What are you doing here?" he asks sleepily and rubs his eyes.

"Well, Cassie. Congratulations," Balthazar tells him and Dean looks from one to the other in confusion.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You two restored the first seal last night. And since the last one has never been broken, the last sixty-four seals can restore themselves now. With a miracle of course but now that you started it that shouldn't be too much of a problem," the angel explains.

"Wait, wait, wait. Start again where Cas and I restored the first seal last night. We didn't do anything," Dean demands, still confused.

"Ah, I thought Cassie might have already told you. Apparently not," Balthazar starts. Dean turns to Cas, who suddenly looks like he would like to vanish into thin air. He doesn't know how Dean is going to take the news and fears for the worst.

"You, see. An angel falling for a human, in every sense of the word and the human falling in love with said angel – well, if that isn't a miracle then I don't know what is. Especially concerning you two. And last night you finally took the final step, even if you didn't admit it out loud yet," Balthazar explains and then leaves without another word.

"You knew that? You knew all about it and didn't tell me?" Dean asks as soon as they're alone but to Castiel's relief he doesn't sound angry. Just like he can't believe that what he just heard is the truth.

"Yes, I did. Balthazar told me. Well, he hinted at it but I understood what he was trying to tell me. But I didn't want to say anything and make you feel obligated to do something. It wouldn't have worked anyway," Castiel admits quietly and then waits for Dean to think about everything he just learned.

"So, that means you love me?" Dean finally asks.

"Yes, Dean. I love you," Castiel answers confidently. "I wouldn't have fallen from grace for any other reason."

Dean doesn't say anything, he just pulls Cas closer and kisses him, soft and gently and for a very long time. "I love you, too," he whispers, when they finally break the kiss.

"I know," Cas simply says and pulls Dean back into another kiss. The kiss turns into more and it's over an hour later that the two finally make their way down the stairs to find Bobby, Sam and Balthazar waiting in the kitchen.

"What took you two so long?" Balthazar asks when they enter the room. Dean glares at him for the second time this morning and decides that, should the angel continue to annoy him like this, he'll have to kill him. But thankfully Balthazar remains quiet now and neither Sam nor Bobby say anything. Sam just gives Dean a knowing look and then shrugs. He doesn't really want to know what exactly took them so long.

They eat breakfast in silence and Dean and Cas keep sharing small looks and the occasional soft touch under the table. Sam and Bobby drink coffee and Balthazar watches Dean and Cas, catching everything that's going on between them. After all he's the one who made this possible, who helped Cas making the fall, so he figures he deserves a little entertainment as a reward.

After breakfast they all go outside to finally finish the trap for Lilith but now that they have an angel with them, this is not a problem anymore.

"Should have called you sooner. Would have saved me a lot of sweat," Bobby grumbles, when Balthazar just moves stuff around with a thought and a wave of his hand.

"Where would have been the fun in that?" Balthazar replies, making it clear that he is only helping because he feels like it and wouldn't necessarily have answered a call. Not for building the trap anyway. "I'm really only here because I want to see Lilith disappearing in that hole forever and since it isn't done yet I'm just moving things along, so I can return to the party I was at."

"Party? It's not even noon yet," Sam says, shaking his head at the angel.

"Not where I just came from, love," Balthazar tells him with a wink and then returns his attention to the trap. "This looks about done. Can we get this over with now?"

"You're right, it's ready for Lilith to go inside. Then we'll finish the lining. Dean, would you get the car over here?" Bobby says and Dean is already on his way to the shed to get the car. For a moment he is afraid that the car might not be there anymore but then he opens the door and his baby is standing there, right where he left her and she's looking as gorgeous as always. He can also hear Lilith moving around in the trunk, so everything is fine.

He backs the car to the edge of the trap and then opens the trunk. Lilith immediately gets up and insults them all in every language imaginable but it doesn't change the fact that she can't get out of the trunk on her own.

"Let me help you, darling," Balthazar says and steps closer to the trunk. He touches his fingers to her forehead and an instant later she's inside the trap and continues her screaming there.

"Wow, that was easy," Dean says surprised. He had expected that getting Lilith inside the trap would be quite a hassle and now this easy solution feels almost anticlimactic.

"Thanks, Balthazar," Sam tells him, sounding equally surprised but less disappointed than Dean that in the end everything was so easy. In his opinion they've had enough trouble during the last few days, so a little angelic help is a nice break.

"No need to thank me. Just make sure you won't accidently let her out," Balthazar replies and then vanishes, probably returning to his party somewhere on the other side of the globe.

"Come on. Don't just stand there. We have to finish the trap and it won't hide itself," Bobby then tells them and all four men get back to work and are busy for another few hours until there is no indication anymore that the key to Lucifer's cage is buried deep under the piles of old cars.

Sam and Bobby immediately turn to go back to the house for food, a shower and sleep but when Cas tries to follow them, Dean holds him back.

"We did it. We prevented the apocalypse," Dean says, still a little stunned by their success.

"Yes, we did," Cas answers simply.

"I couldn't have done it without you. I don't know how to ever thank you for what you did."

"You don't have to," Cas answers and kisses Dean lightly. "Come on, let's go inside. I'm hungry." Dean grins and they both go back to the house and meet Sam and Bobby in the kitchen. They quickly make themselves sandwiches and they all toast each other with a bottle of beer to celebrate the defeat of Lilith and with her the armies of Heaven and Hell. But after the hard work of the afternoon they don't celebrate too long.

Sam is the first to leave the kitchen, closely followed by Bobby, who turns to look at Dean and Cas once more. "If you're thinking about restoring anymore seals tonight, try and be a bit quieter about it," he tells them and then leaves them for good.

Dean feels himself blushing. Damn, he had no idea they'd been that loud the night before.

"But we can't restore another seal," Cas says then and Dean stops being embarrassed and laughs.

"I'm pretty sure he knows that," he answers and Castiel is confused by this.

"But why did he say it then?"

"It doesn't matter. Come on, we should go and take a shower now and Bobby should better stay away from the bathroom if he doesn't want to hear anything," Dean says with a grin as he pulls his fallen angel towards the bathroom with him. Now that the apocalypse has been averted they can finally have some fun without worrying about the end of the world.


End file.
